Category Archives: Advanced Tips

This is advanced training for leaders

Leave A Legacy By Mentoring Others

Mentoring Men Young Leaders Vince Miller Resolute Men Bible Study

Leave a legacy by mentoring others.

Becoming unselfish with our life and learnings.

One of the most unselfish investments a leader can make is that of mentoring younger leaders.

Mentoring is all about taking people with potential and helping to expedite their growth through our sponsorship, attention, and leadership example. A proven leader can open doors of opportunity, understanding, and growth for a young leader that can dramatically accelerate their leadership trajectory.

In mentoring younger leaders, I have learned several lessons.

LESSON ONE | Seek potential leaders who are hungry for growth.

I look for potential for growth rather than experience every time. If someone has the “right potential,” and are “hungry for growth,” they can be formed and will grow more quickly than others. Don’t be afraid to mentor someone who others would not mentor but who have the raw potential.

LESSON TWO | Pay attention to the mentee’s emotional intelligence.

One of the keys to both leadership and growth is their emotional intelligence – a necessary quality if they are going to receive your honest feedback on their work and life. Poor emotional intelligence is often characterized by defensiveness which will keep an individual from receiving input, raw feedback, and thus the potential for growth.

LESSON THREE | Discover, develop, and build agility with the mentee’s gifts and talents.

Help the mentee understand their wiring. Mentoring is not about creating another “mini-me” but about helping the mentee understand how their wiring, strengths, gifts, and talents. Mentors should speed up the process of self-understanding and self-discovery.

LESSON FOUR | Use story-telling and dialogue as the means of mentoring.

Use dialogue more than instruction. Many mentors assume that mentoring is about knowing the right answer when it is far more about helping them find the correct answer on their own. Help the mentee learn by inviting them to think through issues and solve their problems. Ask questions, such as “How’s that working out for you?” It takes time but helping a young leader to think critically and well will be a key to their success. So rather than telling them the solution, ask the right question – and then dialogue. Give honest feedback at appropriate times and in the correct settings.

LESSON FIVE | Allow young mentees to fail. 

Like it or not, we learn more from our failures than from our successes. Then practice “autopsy without shame,” so learning takes place without a feeling of failure. The most successful people have failed multiple times. As have I, and you.

LESSON SIX | Give mentee assignments, even small ones regularly.

Don’t allow mentees to get bored. Keep their plate full and give assignments that will stretch them. As a mentor you want these young leaders to realize their potential and skills.

LESSON SEVEN | Let them join you in meetings or into teachable moments.

Allow them to shadow you in appropriate settings so that they see what how you lead. Sometimes leadership is more caught than taught.

LESSON EIGHT | Be transparent. 

Let them see the issues you face, how you deal with them and how you balance life and work. Where you can give them insight into hairy situations and how you are handling them so that they are exposed to real life in the real world. Of course, you want to ensure that there is appropriate confidentiality.

Mentoring is all about legacy. By building into others, we leverage the lessons of our leadership and pass them on to the next generation.

Vince Miller Founder of ResoluteVince Miller is a speaker, author, and mentor to men. He is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to communicate to audiences on the topics of mentorship, fathering, leadership and manhood. He has authored 13 books and small group curriculum for men and is the primary content creator of all Resolute materials. Contact Vince Miller here. His newest book is Thirty Virtues That Build A Man.

Discord, Relationships, and Commitment

marriage emotional intelligence a blog by Vince Miller

Discord, Relationships, and Commitment

What to do when you disagree with someone, yet want to maintain a relationship.

We live in a world where our differences are more defining than our similarities. Differences that used to be simple differences of opinion now often divide us in politics, business, faith, and relationships. As an example, consider the political hostility that divides our nation today.

We have become a society where people struggle to stay connected with those they have differences. It is a connection with others that allows us to relate to them as well as influence them. Jesus Christ once proclaimed, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” Peacemakers work hard to lessen the conflict that differences can bring so that we can disagree but stay in a relationship.

Here are a few ways that we can handle with differences while staying in a relationship with the world around us.

ONE | Learn to value our unique differences as well as our similarities.

If everyone thought the way I do, the world would be a dull and homogenous place. I have learned to value the opinions of others when they differ from mine, and in almost all cases their point of view has some validity to it. If I can appreciate differing opinions, I will respond to those who think differently than myself with inquisitiveness and questions rather than defensiveness and anger.

TWO | Practice “self-definition” and encourage it in others.

Self-definition is the ability to know what we believe, state it clearly, and remain in relationship with others. It is the opposite of “group think” where we pretend to agree with others fit in with the crowd. Self-defined individuals also encourage others to be self-defined by responding with interest to their views.

THREE | Practice staying connected with those who are radically different from you.

Practicing connection is a relational skill that can and should be learned. It has a lot to do with our attitude. Even in cases where we violently disagree with the view of another, learning to keep our emotions and thus attitude in check and not allowing the opinions of others push our "buttons" provides conversation rather than conflict. I make it a point to try to stay connected with those who think the most different from me. It is both a healthy challenge for me and gives me the opportunity to influence their thinking through relationship.

FOUR | Make a distinction between the opinions of others and your relationship with them.

Relationships indeed can be built on shared interests and views. This is normal. But remember that they can also be built on the fact that we are fellow human beings who share similar challenges in life: Family, jobs, kids, finances, desire for significance and all the rest of what makes up life. We may or may not be “best friends” with those who are most different from us, but we can find common ground in a relationship with them.

In a world divided by so many issues, those who can remain connected in spite of the differences are those with the most influence. Without connection and relationship, it is almost impossible to be a person of influence. As men of God, we want to be like Jesus who went out of his way to stay connected with those around Him.

Vince Miller Founder of ResoluteVince Miller is a speaker, author, and mentor to men. He is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to communicate to men and has a deep passion for God’s Word. He has authored 13 books and small group curriculum for men. He is the primary content creator of all Resolute materials. Contact Vince Miller here.

 

6 Top Free Christian Mens Daily Devotionals

How To Study The Bible a blog post by Vince Miller of Resolute Men's Bible Studies

6 Top Free Christian Men’s Daily Devotionals, that you have to read.

Perhaps one of the best tools for daily engagement is digging into a pattern of reading God’s Word, but I know many men use daily devotionals to get their minds moving in a godly direction. Here is a list of the top I have found. All are excellent, but each has slight differences. I encourage men to subscribe to a few and keep the ones they like.

SIGN UP FOR THE MEN'S DAILY DEVO

1. The Men’s Daily Devotional

https://beresolute.org/mens-daily-devotional/

STRUCTURE: Written by various staff, contains:

  • A scripture
  • A short thought and
  • Action for the day

DELIVERY: Sent to you by email.


2. Christianity Today Men of Integrity

https://www.christianitytoday.com/moi/content/devotions.html

STRUCTURE: Adapted content from other authors and contains:

  • A key verse, and
  • Thought to dig deeper

DELIVERY: Through website by navigating categories or sent to you by email.


3. Every Man Ministries, Daily Devotionals

http://www.everymanministries.com/daily-devotionals-for-men

STRUCTURE: Content written by Every Man authors contains:

  • Verses
  • A few paragraphs of thought, and
  • Reflection questions.

DELIVERY: You go to the web address above each day.


4. Crosswalk, NIV Devotions for Men

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/niv-devotions-for-men/

STRUCTURE: Contains content from the Men’s Devotional Bible, including:

  • Verses you look up
  • Other recommended reading
  • Longer devotional thoughts, and
  • Takeaways with questions for reflection.

DELIVERY: You either go to the web page above or they are sent to you by email.


5. Assembly of God, Spirit Empowered Men Daily Devotional

http://men.ag.org/devotional/

STRUCTURE: Written by various Assembly of God leaders these contain

  • Verse
  • Observation, and
  • Personal application

DELIVERY: Go to the website daily or subscribe by email.


6. Guide Posts, Devotions for Men

https://www.guideposts.org/faith-and-prayer/daily-devotions/devotions-for-men

STRUCTURE: A variety of Guidepost authors provide:

  • Verse
  • An anecdotal story, and
  • A prayer

DELIVERY: You go to the website above daily.


If you are looking for material for your men’s group or are looking for help with your small group leadership, reach out to us a www.beresolute.org or send us an email at [email protected]

Vince Miller is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to speak to men’s audiences and has a deep passion for mentorship and God’s Word. He has authored ten books and small group content for men. He is the primary content creator of all Resolute materials. Reach out to him today if you need a men’s speaker or content for your men’s small groups.

EMAIL VINCE MILLER

2 Controversial Ideas For Reading The Bible More

Read Your Bible More In 2018

2 Controversial Ideas for Reading the Bible More

If you’ve failed to build a Bible reading habit, then you are not alone. Here is what I did to develop the practice into my life, and you may find it a little out of the norm.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard a guy confess to me, “You know I want to read the Bible, but I just don’t.”

And we all know that we don’t have a Bible shortage. The Bible is the most printed and best-selling book of all time. So, it’s not a printing shortage. What we have is a reading shortage. The Gallup and Barna organizations have studied Christian behaviors on this for years, and still, show that 64% of Bible-believing Christians find themselves too busy to read the Bible. So, we have a bit of a gap between Bible ownership and Bible use.

But I believe there a solution?

So here are two solutions I have found to read the Bible more, and they are a little out of the norm, but they have worked for me.

First | Stop Using a Traditional Bible Reading Plan

Honestly, traditional One-Year Bible Reading Plans seemed to promote all kinds of negative emotions for me after the first week. And I believe these feelings are not healthy to attach to a Bible reading habit or your relationship with God. They include feelings of guilt, disappointment, frustration, regret, and the like.

Here is how they manifest themselves in me. I often start well, then I eventually end up missing a day, or a week, and this produces guilt and I try to make up for my loses by reading more. And then I feel like I am failing. Or I start off well, and I just get lost and feel disconnected from the story, with all the flipping back and forth through the Old and New Testament. And these negative feelings start to bleed out and just reinforce all the reasons why I fail to build the habit. So, I confess, I quit using Traditional Bible Reading Plans years ago. Not because they don’t work, but because they don’t work for me.

Principle: Aim for Comprehension Not Completion

Today, I set my Bible reading process on comprehension, not completion. Rather than focusing on “daily reading that gets me through the Bible in one year” (completion), I now focus my process on “regular patterns of reading that deepen my love for God’s Word” (comprehension).

Here is how I do this. First, I read regularly, usually around five to seven-day sprints. And when I read, I set my focus on one book at a time, with no particular pace to my reading. I just read in each sprint until I have read enough. For me, this happens to be about 5-8 chapters a time. Second, within my reading, I identify a text or theme that challenges me. I usually spend a minute or two meditating on that passage considering how applying that will make me a better man. Third, throughout the day I find one way to share my reading or learning with someone else. Sharing could include telling someone the principle of the text, not the written text itself. But I find that every day, God gives me some opportunity to use His Word. And it is this three-step process that has reinforced a very gratifying experience in God’s Word rather than all the negative emotions I used to experience.

While this method may not get me through the Bible in one year, it is positive and addicting to see how this pattern can change you and transforms others as you use it daily. And it is this that has positively inspired me to continue with the habit. Reading has now become a positive habit that keeps me coming back for more.

Second | Don’t Set a Goal To Read The Bible

While in the new year we often set a goal to read the Bible, I don’t believe setting this as a goal is helpful. Reading the Bible is not the goal, Bible reading is a tool to discover the God of the Bible.

Principle: Set a Transformational Goal that Drives You to the Bible.

Today I don’t set Bible reading goals. I always fall short of them anyway. I have chosen to walk away from this because all this does is produce guilt and shame in my life. But I have exchanged this goal for one more lofty and motivational, and that is a goal that drives me toward reading the Bible.

For example, a goal I have had in past years was to “Become a more generous man.” So, to give more, I was forced to study the Bible on the topics of stewardship, giving, tithing, and generosity, which led me to write my first book. And I would say that this drove me into the Bible with great intensity. Like never before I discovered the “riches of God” through Bible study. And the impact on my life and others was profound.

After discovering that my goals may have been the problem, I have since aimed my vision higher to goals that force me to get in and stay in God’s Word on a regular basis. For you this might look like “Growing as a man of God this year by joining a Bible Study,” or it may look like, “Teaching other principles on leadership and business from the Bible.” Only you can decide what this might be depending on your passions and skills but direct the goal toward forcing you to be in God’s Word, and it will bring delight to your soul.

These are just two out of the norm ideas that have helped me, and I pray they will continue to excite spiritual growth for you this year as you dive into God’s Word.

If you are looking for material for your men’s group or are looking for help with your small group leadership, reach out to us a www.beresolute.org or send us an email at [email protected]

Vince Miller Founder of ResoluteVince Miller is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to communicate to men and has a deep passion for God’s Word. He has authored ten books and small group curriculum for men. He is the primary content creator of all Resolute materials

6 Steps To Becoming A Better Man And Establishing An Mentoring Relationship

Mens Ministry Resolute and Mentoring

6 Steps To Becoming A Better Man And Establishing An Mentoring Relationship

How a man can build a mentoring relationship a forge a plan for a better future.

While we often aspire to be better men, aspiration will not be enough. We have to build a better plan to become a better man. The following are six clear steps to consider that will help you develop an effective plan. (Hint: Consider utilizing the questions for developing your plan.)

First | Take A Personal Inventory

As a man, there are some things that only we can define. We need to take inventory and identify your goals, the challenges, and the assets at your disposal. While I have started mentoring relationships without these, at some point, these come into play and will undermine your attitude in the relationship if they are not being met. Taking a personal inventory is our responsibility, not the mentor. So we need to put pen to paper and define our goals, challenges, and assets.

Questions to consider:

  • What goals do you want to accomplish?
  • What challenges do you face and anticipate facing in accomplishing these goals?
  • What assets do you have and need to accomplish your goals?

Second | Consider the Vision, Goals, & Outcomes

As a man, we need to spend some time developing our vision. Vision is our picture of the future, and in this case, it is who we aspire to be. This activity is summarized in us being able to articulate the man God designed you to be and identifying the goals and outcomes for living in this vision. We will be drawn to specific goals and outcomes as we consider our personal vision, but enumerating and stating them is harder than we think.

Here is an example of a goal I have set in the past. “This year I want to learn to eat and live healthier so that I can increase my skill and stamina for kingdom leadership.”

  • The vision is kingdom leadership
  • The goal is learning to eat and live healthier
  • The outcomes are increased skill and stamina

Questions to consider:

  • What vision do you want to accomplish as a man of God?
  • What goals do you need to establish to get there?
  • What outcomes do you expect?

Third | Determine Relational Scope

While we will need mentors for our lifetime, we are not sentencing a mentor for life. Therefore, we need to decide the meeting time-frame, length of commitment, and frequency of meeting in the mentor relationship that would be the best win-win for both parties. Clearly, each mentor will have different levels of accessibility, so consider the scope which is dependent on the mentor’s availability.

Questions to consider:

  • What is the time-frame of each meeting that is best for them and me?
  • What length of commitment is best for them and me?
  • What frequency of meeting is best for them and me?

Fourth | Identify The Type Of Mentor You Need

We cannot go life alone, but many men do, so I think we can get stuck at this step. But this can be a hurdle only if we do not know what type of mentor we seek. Three general types of mentors can help, and we can have any one or even all three at the same time. It is good to know which we might need based on the how we have answered any or all of the above questions.

The three types of mentors:

  • Intensive Mentors – This mentor is focused on our vision, goals, and outcomes and is in regular contact with us. They set up a structure and routine for a meeting. There is sometimes even live feedback and real-time interaction which requires visibility to your performance behaviors.
  • Intermittent Mentors – This is a non-formal type of mentor who like a counselor helps to guide us intermittently around a particular subject matter. There often is no real regular rhythm to a meeting until a need presents itself. Therefore meetings and communication are more spontaneous.
  • Instructive Mentors – This is the type of mentor who we may admire but never contact. We learn from them, but they will not know us. For example, authors and speakers would fit this category. We will have regular contact with their resources, but it is a one way or passive process.

Questions to consider:

  • What type of mentor do you need?
  • Do you need more than one type of mentor, and if so which ones?

Five | Determine Accountability Metrics

While we have established goals above, how accountability occurs is critical. Our willingness to be accountable is essential to success, and only we know our desire. Often this has a direct correlation to how dedicated we are in accomplishing our goals. In other words, the more willing we are to become better, the more willing we are to be held accountable. And the opposite is also true, and so this is where the rubber meets the roads.

Questions to consider:

  • Are you willing to be held accountable?
  • How bad do you want to accomplish your goals?
  • What type of accountability do you need to reach your goals?

Six | Create Good Communication

Finally, we have to determine how we are going to communicate in the mentor relationship. While this might feel like an add-on to this list, it is not. We need two things in communication. One, honesty and transparency. Two, we need to determine best modes of communication between meetings which keeps the connection vibrant and active.

Questions to consider:

  • What level of transparency do you need to be effective?
  • How often will you communicate between meetings?

If you are looking for material for your men’s group or are looking for help with your small group leadership, reach out to us a www.beresolute.org or send us an email at [email protected].

Vince Miller Founder of ResoluteVince Miller is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to communicate to men and has a deep passion for God’s Word. He has authored ten books and small group curriculum for men. He is the primary content creator of all Resolute materials.

 

4 Thoughts That Will Keep Me From Being A Better Man

Costly Grace a daily devotional by Vince Miller

Aiming To Be A Better Man In 2018?

Four thoughts that will keep me from being a better man this year, and what I plan do about it, as I lean into a new year and a new start.


MY LACK OF PAST SUCCESS

Thought #1: “I will never be good enough so why try.”
The issue: Guilt, shame, sin, embarrassment, and admittance

My new action list:

  1. Avoid self-pity.
  2. Own my problems.
  3. Move past emotionally.
  4. Live in my new identity in Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”


MY LACK OF TRAINING AND EXPERIENCE

Thought #2: “I don’t know what to do.”
The issue: Knowledge and competence

My new action list:

  1. Define the needed capability.
  2. Be mentored by a person in the desired knowledge area.
  3. Define measurable goals.
  4. Mark progress.
  5. Make adjustments.

Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”


MY LACK OF MOMENTUM

Thought #3: “I’ll do it later.”
The issue: Procrastination and laziness.

My action list:

  1. Just start.
  2. Go public with your choice.
  3. Be willing to be accountable.
  4. Be transparent with others.

Ephesians 5:15 “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil.”


MY LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY IN CHALLENGE

Thought #4: “I’ll hope it just goes away.”
The issue: Responsibility, challenge, avoidance, and fear of change.

My action list:

  1. Identify why you are avoiding.
  2. Envision the future ramifications of non-responsibility.
  3. Use the word, “sorry.”
  4. Seek forgiveness in relationships.
  5. Persevere by taking one day at a time.

Ephesians 4:27 “Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”

Building A Mentoring Contract

Building a Mentoring Contract Resolute Mens Ministry Bible Studies

While we think mentoring contract might be a little too much, often they build agreement between two parties which make the mentoring relationship successful.

Really? A mentoring contract? While it may sound like a little bit too much, this is what gives a mentoring relationship some clarity. In this Resolute Podcast, Vince Miller is joined by Greg Bourgond, founder of Heart Of A Warrior ministries, who is a prolific author (A Rattling of Sabers), men’s leader, and mentor to men. Today they discuss the components of a great mentoring contract.

PODCAST:

TRANSCRIPT:

Vince: This is Resolute, and the Resolute Men’s Leadership Podcast. I’m Vince Miller, your founder and host. And today we’re in a series on mentorship. Discussing today the topic of how to build a mentoring contract.

Welcome to the program. If this is your first time tuning in, well then thank you for joining us. Our mission at Resolute is to disciple and develop men to lead. So if you’re looking for content for your men’s group or even your men’s ministry – then you need to go to our website today at beresolute.org. If you want to follow us on any form of social media – go to Facebook or LinkedIn. You can follow us there. Or if you like to listen on your own feed, you can find us always in iTunes or in SoundCloud. But gentlemen, let’s dive in.

Today I am joined again by one of my good friends, Doctor Greg Bourgond. Doctor Bourgond is the President of Heart of the Warrior Ministries. He’s worked with men for over 40 years. He has been heavily involved in mentorship over those years. And so I’m excited to welcome him to the program today. Greg, welcome to the show.

Greg: Good to be here.

Vince: Man, I am – I’m actually more pumped about this podcast than any of the others on mentoring that we’ve done. We’ve talked about mentoring a little bit as it relates to our fear, pushing through those things and stepping into it. Last time we talked about some real practical stuff, right? We talked about types of mentors and relationships. Maybe for just a second, can you recap that before we get into this one?

Greg: Sure. There are intensive mentors who help build foundations in your life. There are occasional mentors who address a specific need. And then there are passive mentors. Who you probably have never met. May not even be alive. But every time you read something that they’ve written, listened to something they recorded – God feeds your soul. So you have intensive mentors, which are foundations. More regimented in the process. Occasional mentors. The time span of which will change. Depend upon the need. And then you have passive mentors.

Greg: Sure. There are intensive mentors who help build foundations in your life. There are occasional mentors who address a specific need. And then there are passive mentors. Who you probably have never met. May not even be alive. But every time you read something that they’ve written, listened to something they recorded – God feeds your soul. So you have intensive mentors, which are foundations. More regimented in the process. Occasional mentors. The time span of which will change. Depend upon the need. And then you have passive mentors.

Vince: Right, yeah. And these different kinds of relationships that we have in our life. Whether we recognize them as mentors, sometimes as not. Maybe the passive mentor, for example. They provide us with different types of wisdom, different time frames, etc, etc. And we talked about a lot of that last time. And I thought – if these guys that are listening today did not listen to that last podcast, they really need to go back to it. But today, we’re going to get into the topic of the actual mentoring contract.

Greg: Yes.
Vince: I love that you call it a contract. Because sometimes we need to DTR. Define the relationship, right? And not just relationships that we have with other people. We’re talking about a real structured, spiritual relationship. Where there

Vince: I love that you call it a contract. Because sometimes we need to DTR. Define the relationship, right? And not just relationships that we have with other people. We’re talking about a real structured, spiritual relationship. Where there is a mentee and a mentor. And we’re trying to go somewhere together, right?

Greg: Yeah, yeah.

Vince: So that’s what it sounds like a contract does. Give us a little bit of– Before you dive into the contract itself, can you give us a little history as to why you created this document specifically?

Greg: Well it was because I saw so many men floundering. And I would get repeated requests – would you invest in my life? And what they were really saying is, “Would you mentor me?”

Vince: Right.

Greg: And I was mentored.

Vince: Right.
Greg: And I found the value of it. It was by J Robert Clinton, still my mentor today. And there are others who have been my mentors. Erwin has certainly been an occasional mentor, as well as a passive mentor. So I have mentors in my life. But the idea is, I– It’s very hard to get your arms

Greg: And I found the value of it. It was by J Robert Clinton, still my mentor today. And there are others who have been my mentors. Erwin has certainly been an occasional mentor, as well as a passive mentor. So I have mentors in my life. But the idea is, I– It’s very hard to get your arms around because it’s such a big term.

Vince: Right.

Greg: Mentor.

Vince: Right.
Greg: So I wanted to go in and bring it down to the ground.

Greg: So I wanted to go in and bring it down to the ground.

Vince: There you go.

Greg: And say – here’s specifically what mentoring is about. And so in Heart of Warrior, I actually – phase 3 of Heart of a Warriors, is called “The Guide.” Where I train men how to mentor.

Vince: Yes.

Greg: But secondly, how to be mentored. And we’re talking about really a mentoring constellation. The fact is, is that God calls you and me to pass on to others what we’ve learned. So there’s a pass down aspect of it. And some of us say, “Well I – I’m not that mature,” or “I haven’t got my whole act together.” There is always something that you had that God’s given, you can pass onto someone else. Then there’s mentoring up.

Vince: Right.

Greg: Where you’re mentoring your boss or you’re mentoring people that are in a more significant position of responsibility. And offering some advice along the way. Then there’s peer mentoring.

Vince: Okay.

Greg: That’s where you’re both involved. You’ve got something – Vince, to give me. Which you already have over the course of our friendship. I have something to give to you.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: So it’s a mutual sharing.k

Vince: Right.

Greg: Peer mentoring, mentoring up, and mentoring down. That’s called a mentoring constellation.

Vince: Got it. So now as we begin to kind of frame some of this up, let’s dive in deep to this contract.

Greg: Yeah.

Vince: And I really love that you did this, because it really helps to give us a guide for what this looks like. And I couldn’t agree with you more. I think terms like training – even the word discipleship or mentorship often are 2 abstract for people. And like you’ve said – in very last podcast, “It’s easy to hit nothing when you’re aiming for nothing,” right?

Greg: That’s right.

Vince: Like it really is easy.

Greg: Exactly.

Vince: But now you’re helping us to aim at something. So walk us through your particular contract, Greg.

Greg: For sure. Yeah. The idea here is – first of all – if you’re, men if you’re thinking about being mentored– One of the gifts – again, you can give the mentor that you’re going to seek out. Is having done some preliminary thought, in terms of, “What am I doing now I need to keep doing? What am I doing now I need to change? What am I doing now I need to stop doing? What am I not doing that we need to start doing?”

Thinking through, “What kind of a mentor do I really need?” And trying to be as specific as possible. Which isn’t always realistic. But be as specific as possible. So number 1, when you finally have this meeting – that oftentimes the mentoree, by the way – initiates the meeting. If you’re waiting for somebody to see the capability in you, a mentor to come to you – that’s not normally how it works. That’s the exception to the rule. So as a mentoree, you need to seek that person out.

So the first meeting is – you want to jointly agree on the purpose of the relationship. In other words, you want to present the objectives, you’ve done some preliminary work. Here’s the area that I need to be mentored in. And for a mentor, it’s always good to ask the mentoree, “What are your expectations? What do you hope to accomplish? What will constitute success at the end of our engagement?”

The second thing – set the criteria for evaluation. In other words, what will be a– What will a successful outcome look like? How will you know the objectives have been accomplished? You need to have the mentoree describe what they hope to accomplish.

Number 3 – determine the regularity of interaction. Should be a minimum of at least twice a month. Could be more, depending on the needs of the mentoree and the availability of the mentor. But what I would do is give you a caution, so you don’t scare the mentor away. You should begin with a 3-month trial. And you should say, “Let’s evaluate this at the end of 3 months, and I’ll let you know if I’m getting what I think I need, and you can let me know whether or not you’re able to give me what I think I need.”

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: “And we could part if that’s not the case, or we could continue on.”

Number 4 – determine accountability parameters. Honesty, vulnerability, accountability – whatever else is required by the mentor, and agreed upon by the mentoree. What accountability parameters will be applied?

Number 5 – set up communication mechanisms. In other words, is it going to email or is it going to be a phone, face to face? Whichever is the most convenient? You can, you could actually mentor somebody at a great distance.

Vince: Oh yeah.

Greg: And I’ve done that. I get calls all the time from people I’ve mentored in the past. I haven’t heard from in 2 or 3 years. And they’re bringing a concern to me or a question, and ask me to get involved, and that’s done by phone. It could be a combination of all of those. But at least, have 1 face to face meeting per month, in addition to a second or additional meeting by phone or email.

Number 6 – clarify the level of confidentiality. What is shared on a personal level must remain confidential, unless it’s of the legal nature? For instance, if you’re mentoring somebody, if there’s an abuse of any kind or a crime – by law, you’re required to report it. But you’ve got to lay out the parameters of confidentiality.

Number 7 – set the life cycle of the relationship. 3 months for a preliminary time frame – already talked about it. At the end of which each of you can evaluate the relationship. And if you’re in agreement to continue, set an end date.

Vince: Yes.

Greg: Critical. Don’t leave it open-ended.

Vince: Very good.

Greg: Not to exceed 6 additional months, a total of 9 months. That way you can release them, and you can – as a mentor decide, “You know what? They probably are going to need another 3 months.”

Vince: Right.

Greg: But if you don’t set that end date, it could be open-ended.

Alright, number 8 – we’ve got just a couple of more here. Evaluate the relationship from time to time.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Recommend an evaluation every 2 to 3 months. And that means that the mentor says to the mentoree, “Are you getting what you need?”

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Or the mentoree says, “You know what, I think we need to go in a little bit different direction.” And especially when you’re an occasional mentor – based on needs, rather than intentional – which is more prescribed.

Vince: Right, right.

Greg: There are going to be some course changes. There are going to be some minor adjustments that you need to do. And if you don’t do the check in every 2 or 3 months, are you getting what you need? Has this been helpful to you? Then you’re wandering around in the dark.

Number 9 – modify expectations to fit the real-life mentoring situation. In other words, if an issue or concern arises that needs more focused attention, the mentor and mentoree should decide whether the parameters of entering need to be changed.

Vince: Yeah, good.

Greg: And then number 10 – bring the mentoring relationship to a close. Celebrate the completion of the journey. Have the mentoree write about the experience and what was accomplished.

Vince: Wow.

Greg: And that’s not only good for you, but it’s good for them.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Because they had to think through, “Alright, what did we accomplish?”

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: So that’s a mentoring contract. It may seem a lot, men. But trust me. When you put those boundaries and those parameters together, it makes the mentoring relationship much more meaningful, much more focused. And there’s some degree of reliability that it’s going to end well.

Vince: Right.

Greg: If you don’t do these things ahead of time – then unrealized expectations will raise their head – and there’ll be the disappointment because you didn’t clarify these things.

Vince: I think this is beautiful. And you’re kind of like me in this, Greg. It’s like if we have time, it’s very valuable to us, right? You and me. And people do come to you and I often.

Greg: Yeah.

Vince: I’m sure they come to you far more rapidly. And I know you’re mentoring people all over the country. When people come to you, you have to decide whether or not you really want to do that. Like you have to decide it, even me. And I – because my time is valuable, I want to invest in where I feel it’s going to be fruitful. Not only for me but for them, right?

Greg: I’ve got to share a quick story.

Vince: Yeah go for it.

Greg: Do we have some time?

Vince: Yeah, we do.

Greg: When I was trying to seek out J Robert Clinton – he prefers to be called “Bobby” to mentor – it was back in 1999. We were brought together at a leadership conference, to determine how we’re going to train leaders in the future. And I was one of 62 people there. And Bobby Clinton was there. And I’d read everything he had written. And I thought, “Boy, if I could just have this guy mentor me.”

And so over the course of the 3 days, he finally came up to me – based on conversation. And he said to me, he said, “I want you to do something for me.” He said, “I want you to get my book on Bible Centered Leadership, and complete a 300 question exam, and send me the results.” He didn’t say he was going to mentor me. But I wanted to be mentored. So I got his book, I filled it out. It was on your knowledge of the Bible, was what it was.

Vince: Oh wow.

Greg: So I sent in the results. He wrote back and said, “I’m going to give you a 100 question exam now on leaders of the Bible.” Then it was followed up with a 50 question exam on the geography of the Bible. What he was trying to do is determine where the start point was. I didn’t know it at the time, I was getting aggravated. So the fourth thing he did. He says, “I want you to put a–”

Vince: Sounds like the Karate Kid, man. I’m sorry.

Greg: “I want you to put together a Venn diagram of your giftedness. I couldn’t even spell “Venn” at the time.

Vince: Right, right.

Greg: So I got his book on how to do that.

Vince: Great.

Greg: And I sent it to him. And finally, I had enough courage. After I sent the results, I finally sent an email to him. And I said, “Are you going to mentor me or not?” He sent me a 1-word answer, “Yes.” And he’s been my mentor ever since. So don’t be thwarted men, by what some mentor might put you through. It is well worth it.

Vince: Yeah, I love that. I’m sorry, but that sounds exactly like the Karate Kid. But I love it. Because of really that story of Mr. Miyagi – and this kid who comes to him. It’s a story of mentorship, isn’t it?

Greg: That’s exactly right.

Vince: It’s a very simple story of a mentor driving a mentee toward greater performance. Sometimes asking and inviting him, or telling him to do things that are a little bit uncomfortable to himself – but in the end, make him better.

Greg: See that’s the key. If your mentor is not making it a little uncomfortable, they’re not doing their job.

Vince: Yeah, exactly. And I know – you’re a master at making people uncomfortable, Greg. And I know that that may come off to some listeners as like a little awkward. But it’s true. Greg really does have a very clear directional approach to life. And sometimes Greg, you push guys and you push me to think very prescriptively about where we want to go. And when you do that, it makes us a little uncomfortable. But it’s exactly sometimes what we need.

Greg: Yeah.

Vince: To push through the fears. Let me just say this, guys. I – you may need to listen to this podcast a couple of times. But I can’t agree more with Greg on the fact that you need to have some sort of professional contract between a mentor and a mentee – regardless of who you are. Sometimes the mentee is going to bring this into the relationship. That’s okay.

Greg: Yes.

Vince: Because defining the relationship and the parameters there is very important. So as we close our time today, let me read to all the listeners out there a verse. And I think it’s critical in this context. It’s from Proverbs 13, verse 20. “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Greg thanks so much for being with us again today.

And that’s the show. Thanks for listening. As we close, I want to remind you that we have great content for your men’s groups. Excellent small group videos and participant handbooks that will empower the men of your church to lead – and equip them to build the men around them. You’ve got to check out our newest series. It’s entitled, “Defeating Repetitive Sin For Men.” Check it all out at beresolute.org, or you can just send me a direct email at [email protected] I’d love to speak with you guys.

Types Of Mentoring Relationships

Types of Mentoring Relationships Resolute Mens Ministry Bible Studies

Many men look for mentors without considering what type of mentor might be best. Discover the different types of mentors and what they provide.

Not every mentor will fulfill every need you have as there are different mentors for different occasions and seasons of life. In this Resolute Podcast, Vince Miller is joined by Greg Bourgond, founder of Heart Of A Warrior ministries, who is a prolific author (A Rattling of Sabers), men’s leader, and mentor to men. Today they discuss the types of mentors that men may be looking for and the benefits of each.

PODCAST:

TRANSCRIPT:

Vince: This is Resolute and the Resolute Leadership Podcast. I’m Vince Miller, your founder, and host. And today we’re in a series on mentorship. Discussing today the topic of the types of mentoring relationships.

Welcome to the program. If this is your first time tuning in, well then thank you for joining us. Our mission at Resolute is to disciple and develop men to lead. So if you’re looking for content for your men’s group or even your men’s ministry – then you need to go to our website today at beresolute.org. If you want to follow us on any form of social media – go to Facebook or LinkedIn. You can follow us there. Or if you like to listen on your own feed, you can find us always in iTunes oonin SoundCloud. But gentlemen, let’s dive in.

Today I am joined again by one of my good friends, Doctor Greg Bourgond. Doctor Bourgond is the President of Heart of the Warrior Ministries. He’s worked with men for over 40 years. He has been heavily involved in mentorship over those years. And so I’m excited to welcome him to the program today. Greg, welcome to the show.

Greg: Good to be here.

Vince: So today we’re going to get into some pragmatics on mentorship. Last time we talked about just the purpose behind why mentoring – some of the general obstacles. And pushing through the fear. But today I really want to help men to understand what a framework for mentorship looks like. But let’s begin with some standard questions. You’ve been mentoring guys for 42 years.

Greg: Mmm hmm.

Vince: Man, that’s a long time. You only look like you’re about 25. So 42 years of mentoring. And I’ve got to tell you – guys, just so you know – Greg is a fantastic mentor. But you’re very selective in what you do.

Greg: Absolutely.

Vince: And I’ve learned some great lessons from you on what kind of qualities we really should be looking for in a mentor, and in a mentee, right?

Greg: Yes.

Vince: So there’s both.

Greg: Yeah.

Vince: Maybe take a few minutes to describe first, Greg – just the qualities of a great mentor. What are we looking for there?

Greg: A mentor is– A good mentor, an effective mentor is one who will be honest with you. There– If there are things that they offer, a mentoring process that will help you become who God’s wired you or called you to be. It’s things like availability. Are they available? But there’s got to be boundaries around that ability.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Will they go ahead and be confidential about what’s discussed? Or is it going to appear in their next book or in a pulpit somewhere?

Vince: Or on a radio program.

Greg: Honesty is– That’s right. Honesty is another thing. I mean– You just can’t keep telling people what they want to hear, you tell them what they need to hear. Accountability is absolutely crucial. A good mentor will hold you accountable. A good mentor knows how to set boundaries. They might even be specific enough about telling you when they’re available to you, and when they’re not. And they have a capacity to be able to assess who you are and how you’re – God has wired you to be. Either informally or formally.

So a good mentor, more simply is available. They maintain confidentiality. They’ll be honest with you. They’ll hold you accountable. They know how to set boundaries. And they’re effective at assessing the relationship and you as a mentoree. Now when it comes to a mentoree, the mentoree has something to contribute to the process too.
Vince: Oh yeah.

Vince: Oh yeah.

Greg: A good mentoree, it says in scripture in Hebrew’s chapter 13. “Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their fate. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” So

Greg: A good mentoree, it says in scripture in Hebrew’s chapter 13. “Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their fate. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” So here’s – what that speaks to, it almost seems incongruous one part of the verse from the next. But it talks about consistency. It talks about congruent.

So what does a mentor– A mentoree bring to the mentoring process? Well are they easy to believe in? Or do you have to ask them 20 questions to get at the heart of what they’re really saying or thinking? Are they easy to like and spend time with, frankly?

Vince: Yeah, yeah.

Greg: Are they easy to keep helping?

Vince: Yes.

Greg: Do they put into practice what you asked them to do? A good mentor will not give you busy work. He’ll give you tailored work.

Vince: That’s good.

Greg: But he’ll expect you to go ahead and respond to that. So are you easy to help? So if you want to make it more simple. A good mentoree is responsive.

Vince: Okay.

Greg: They’re honest.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: They’re candid, really.

Vince: Right, yeah sure.

Greg: They’re vulnerable. They’re willing to be held accountable. They are committed to the process. And they are teachable.

Vince: Oh yeah. Two really strong lists. Because wouldn’t you say, Greg – that sometimes we get into mentor and mentee relationships, and we never define the relationship.

Greg: No.

Vince: So these are just relationship defining moments, where we say, “Here’s what you want, here’s what I want. Let’s agree upon these things. I’m looking for that.” And I wonder if just developing a framework like this for relationship, leads to a lot better success during the time that we’re together?

Greg: Well the only time you’re guaranteed 100% accuracy is when you shoot at nothing. You’re going to hit it.

Vince: Love it.

Greg: So the idea is, you really got to be specific about what you’re going to be trying to accomplish. One of the things that I always ask a mentoree, “What will represent success at the end of our relationship to you?”

Vince: That’s good.

Greg: “What are your expectations?”

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: “What do you hope to accomplish in the process?”

Vince: So maybe just–

Greg: “What do you intend to do with what you’ve learnt?”

Vince: Ooh, that’s good. I like that. And that helps– I would say – if you’re sitting down with someone, whether it’s a mentee or a mentor – it’s really getting clear about what you want to accomplish, right? I think guys specifically, when we’re talking – I want you to know, is Greg and I talk here. Of course we’re talking about mentorship in general. But there’s also the specific relation to our spiritual life that you and I are talking about, right?

Greg: Exactly.

Vince: And I don’t think we get specific about that enough, Greg. When it comes to where do we want to go spiritually, guys don’t set enough goals spiritually.

Greg: Yeah.

Vince: We don’t drive toward a clear, spiritual future. And before we just sit down and we say, “You seem like a cool guy,” right?

Greg: Yeah.

Vince: Maybe we should both sit down – the mentor and the mentee, and deliberate, discuss.

Greg: Yes.

Vince: Figure out where we want to go, set the time frames – and say, “Here’s who I want to be at the end of this process, and here’s who you want to be.”

Greg: You give a great gift to a potential mentor when you’re able to say to them, “Here’s what my need is. Would you engage with me for a specific period of time?”

Vince: Yes.

Greg: “Let’s say 3 months. And we’ll work out the details, but here’s where I need help.” What you’ve just done is told that mentor, “Oh good, I’m not going to be chained to them for life. And I’ll be able to – there’s an out if we both need to be out of the relationship.” But the best thing you can do if – if you’re thinking men, about being mentored – you need to ask yourselves 4 questions. So that you can come to that mentor with some clarity about what you need to be mentored in. Here are the questions.

“What am I doing now I need to keep doing? What am I doing now I need to change? What am I doing now I need to stop doing?” And, “What am I not doing now, I need to start doing?” Keep, change, stop and start. That will give you the framework. Because they’re neutral questions. But they compel you to go ahead and get more specific about what your needs are.

Now when I talk to potential mentorees, I generally ask them. I say, “Is this spiritual discipline need? Is this a leadership need? Is this a relational need? Are you concerned about a self-management issue? Are you concerned about life mangement?” Or, “Are you looking to build foundations into your life?” And so the idea is, is that – I give them a whole list. I actually give them a charter, what falls under each of those.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: While they’re deliberating to– If they can’t articulate with any clarity or focus, then I try to help them. And I said, “I want you to come back to me after you’ve given some thought to these 4 questions in these areas. And then we’ll go ahead and talk about what the parameters of the mentorship look like.” Now one other thing I want to say – and kind of a – stepping back a little bit. Is a mentor – there are different types of mentors.

Vince: Yeah, yeah, explain that.

Greg: Knowing what type of mentor you need at what point in your life, is going to be absolutely essential to select the right person to ask. So let me give you some categories for that.

Vince: That’d be great.

Greg: Alright, first of all – there are intensive mentors. These intensive mentors are part of a formal process that’s pretty well laid out and organized. And the purpose of an intensive mentor is to build foundations into your life. Like for instance, a discipler or a spiritual guide or a coach would be a form of an intensive mentor. So they’re going to engage you for a season, take you through a process or a journey that will build a foundation into your life.

The second type of– Or the second category of mentors are occasional mentors. Occasional mentors are more non-formal. In other words, it’s not as regimented, because they’re going to be adjusting their mentorship of you based on your needs. So if an intensive mentor’s primary focus if foundations – an occasional mentor is based on your needs. Now the needs can be a correction, or the needs can be a prescription for how to do something. It might include things like– An example of an occasional mentor might be a counselor.

Vince: Yeah, sure.

Greg: That will help you through a rough patch.

Vince: That’s good.

Greg: Or they’ll help you solve an intractable problem. Or they’ll help you get unstuck. Or it might be a teacher that’s going to teach you a new skill, a new competency, a new understanding, a new strategy, a new methodology, a new practice, a new procedure. Or it could be a sponsor. Somebody is going to introduce you to the right people, or give you ideas who to contact–

Vince: There you go.

Greg: Or to maybe write a reference or a recommendation, or to give you some kind of idea about what the road ahead looks – if you want to go from here to there.

Vince: Right.

Greg: So intensive mentor is about foundations. Occasional mentor is about needs.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Then you have what many people forget, and will actually underscore why somebody could have anywhere from 10 to 15 mentors. Most guys out there probably think, “10 to 15? I can’t even find one. What do you mean, 10 to 15?” Well we take into consideration that at various stages in our life, you need an intensive mentor.

Vince: Right.

Greg: Other times you need an occasional mentor. But the third category is what we forget. They’re called passive mentors.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Now a passive mentor is very informal. You probably have never met this person. You may have admired them from afar. It may be a speaker that speaks to your soul. It may be a writer. That every time you pick up something that they’ve written, God feeds your soul. It may be somebody who’s already passed away, and has left a recording or something that is – been – will be instrumental in helping you get over that next step.

But the 3 types of passive mentors are either a contemporary model. Somebody who’s living – is a living model for life in ministry. Or you might be exposed to their teaching. Erwin is a passive mentor for a lot of people.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: That never had a chance to meet him.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: But when then read his books, or they listen to his talks–

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Then somehow God speaks to their soul. Then you have a historical mentor. And I mean, they may be deceased, but they still have relevance. I have a passive mentor by the name of Ant Savinar 12:53 that died in 1986. I still remember some of the poignant things he had said. He said, “If you’re 95% faithful, you’re not faithful at all.” And he talks about the whole idea – smorgasbord Christianity. Where you go along the line and pick what you want and leave the rest. But these little snippets, these pithy little statements have stuck with me.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: And all of his books, I’ve – they’re out of print, and I’ve sought them out. But he’s a passive mentor to me.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: The third type of passive mentor is a divine contact. Now a divine contact is a person or a word or a circumstance using to confirm God’s direction in your life. That somebody comes into your life – maybe even forgot who they were, and you don’t even understand the import–

Vince: Right.

Greg: Of what they had to say, until well after the fact. And so they are a divine contact that you didn’t plan on. It’s a word you might have heard in a pulpit. It might be somebody sang something to you in passing that – didn’t even understand the import of what they said to you. But it registered with your soul. That’s a divine contact. God sends those type of people to you.

Vince: I love that you’ve defined a lot of this today. And guys, I hope you’re blessed by the amount of sheer wisdom that Greg has just shared with you. But I’ve got to say Greg, this helps us all to frame up a context of what a relationship looks like. What should happen inside of that relationship. And even the types of things that we should be looking for in those people. Because I got to tell you, mentorship is the linchpin to the kingdom. I mean I – one of my– I was–

I’m reading through the Bible, of course. And I say this every time. But I’m reading through the Bible, of course, today. I’m reading through Acts. And I’m reading the story of perhaps the most famous mentor of all times. He often goes unremembered by many people, but I believe the greatest mentor in all the Bible – besides Jesus Christ, is Barnabas.

Greg: Exactly right, yeah.

Vince: I mean you think about this guy. Barnabas took under his wing the most incredulous guy that was out there, Saul. He was a little grumpy, he was persecuting the church clearly. He made a decision for Christ. Because he met Christ visibly and clearly. But Barnabas did something that no other mentor ever did. He took on someone who might take his life, and he turned him into the greatest teacher in all of the New Testament. I mean think about that.

Greg: Well there’s – there’s so many examples in the Bible about mentoring that isn’t called mentoring, but is exactly mentoring. Let me give you just a few brief examples.

Vince: Yeah go for it, I want to hear it, yeah.

Greg: Jethro mentored Moses.

Vince: Of course.

Greg: He became a counselor to him. Moses mentored Joshua. He was a spiritual guide, a counselor. He was a contemporary model, as we’ve just talked about. He was a sponsor.

Vince: Yeah, he was a–

Greg: He certainly sponsored Joshua.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Then you have Jonathan and David. They were peer mentors. They each had something to add to the mentoring relationship. David and Solomon. David was a contemporary model, he was a counselor. He sponsored Solomon. You have Elijah and Elisha.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: That’s a mentoring relat– Jesus – with Peter, James and John.

Vince: Yes.

Greg: You have Barnabas, as you just mentioned–

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: With Paul. You have Paul with Timothy.

Vince: Yes.

Greg: He was a discipler of Timothy. You have Paul with Titus, for crying out loud.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: You have Paul with Onesimus. And so there are just all kinds of examples of types of mentors. When you finally start to get your handle on that framework we just described about intensive, occasional and passive – not only does it help you understand what type of mentor you may need at this particular point in your life. But be able to recognize that person.

Vince: Yes.

Greg: And have the courage again to lean into your fear–

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: Seek them out, and sit down with them.

Vince: Yeah, that’s right. I want to end right there Greg. ‘Cause that’s too good. And I just want you guys out there right now to hear Greg’s words today. Let me sum it up this way. Don’t go life alone. If you think you can go this life alone, you are mistaken. God has created you to be in relationship with other people. Live out your fullest potential by producing, by putting yourself in a mentorship relationship. And if you’re not in one, you need to find one today. But find it an appropriate one, right?

Greg: Exactly.

Vince: And there may be more of those guys out there than you think.

Greg: Yeah there are.

Vince: Step into it. And if you are not mentoring somebody – Greg, right?

Greg: Right.

Vince: We need more men that are doing the things that we’re doing.

Greg: That’s right.

Vince: Join us. Mentor someone today. Even if it feels uncomfortable, step into it. And maybe take some of the tactics you learned from Greg today and apply them. Just simple tactics that you can apply to everyday life. Thank you Greg, so much for being with us again.

And that’s the show. Thanks for listening. As we close, I want to remind you that we have great content for your men’s groups. Excellent small group videos and participant handbooks that will empower the men of your church to lead – and equip them to build the men around them. You’ve got to check out our newest series. It’s entitled, “Defeating Repetitive Sin For Men.” Check it all out at beresolute.org, or you can just send me a direct email at [email protected] I’d love to speak with you guys.

And as always, I hope you enjoy this podcast. But please know that the time that we spent together today is worthless, unless you choose to do something with it. So act on it. Do something right now today. By getting off the bench, and into the game. And I’ll see you right back here next time for another edition of the Resolute Podcast.

Why Men Need Mentors

Why Men Need Mentors Resolute Mens Ministry Bible Studies

While men love autonomy, we need relationships more than anything else and nothing drives success like a mentor relationship.

Mentorship and discipleship was the key to Jesus’ success. In this Resolute Podcast, Vince Miller is joined by Greg Bourgond, founder of Heart Of A Warrior ministries, who is a prolific author (A Rattling of Sabers), men’s leader, and mentor to men. Today they discuss why men need mentors in their life and the benefits of male spiritual relationships.

PODCAST:

TRANSCRIPT:

Vince: This is Resolute and the Resolute Leadership Podcast. I am Vince Miller, your founder, and host. Today we’re in a new series entitled, “Mentorship.” Today discussing the topic of why men need mentors.

Welcome to the program. If this is your first time tuning in, well then thank you for joining us. Our mission at Resolute is to disciple and develop men to lead. So if you’re looking for content for your men’s group or even your men’s ministry – then you need to go to our website today at beresolute.org. If you want to follow us, on any form of social media – go to Facebook or LinkedIn, you can follow us there. Or if you like to listen, on your own feed, you can find us always in iTunes or on SoundCloud. But gentlemen, let’s dive in.

Today I am joined again by one of my good friends, Doctor Greg Bourgond. Doctor Bourgond is the President of Heart of the Warrior Ministries. He’s worked with men for over 40 years. He has been heavily involved in mentorship over those years. And so I’m excited to welcome him to the program today. Greg, welcome to the show.

Greg: It’s good to be here.

Vince: Well I gotta tell you, I – I am so pumped about these particular interviews. Specifically, because we couldn’t have a better mentor of mentors on this program today. I know that you’ve been mentoring guys for how many years, Greg?

Greg: 42 years.

Vince: 42. So I’d say that calls you – we could call you an expert in this line of work. And I’m sure you’ve learned a few things over the years to do and not to do. But I really want to begin today with really the purpose behind this. Like we need to talk about why mentoring is important. Because I think in our society today, we have – even though mentoring’s a little bit of a buzz word right now in the workplace, it means something more to that in the Christian kingdom. It is the link probably between our success and failure. And why don’t you tell or share with us a little bit about why you believe that mentoring is important for men?

Greg: Well my mentor is J Robert Clinton, who has invested in my life. And it seems at all the critical junctures of my life when I’ve had to make some very difficult decision. Bobby was there and available to me. And he didn’t make the decision for me, but he gave me environmental ideas and factors that helped me make what I see in retrospect, the right decision.

But it goes back further than that. Every man I know, that I’ve ever spoken to has never been satisfied with living in the misty land of mediocrity. But they don’t know how to get out of there.
Vince: Right.

Vince: Right.

Greg: No one’s come alongside them. They just haven’t got a clue as to who to ask or who to talk to. And so consequently, they end up wallowing in mediocrity. Despondent over the fact they may never realize the potential God’s placed in them. I’m reading a book that’s just been recently published by Erwin McManus, called, “The Last Arrow.” And he talks about the idea that we’re born with a quiver of arrows which represent our potential. And some of us go to our grave never having released any of those arrows. We arrange them, we make sure they’re in good working order. But we’ve never released them.
And so the idea is, is that if we’re going to move out of the misty little line of mediocrity. If we’re going to live a life that matters. If we’re going to finish well, we just can’t take that journey by ourselves. We need to bring people alongside us. Sometimes we need a sage on the stage in our life, that will tell us the truth and speak truth into our lives, even though we may not want to hear it. Other times, we need a guide on the side.

Somebody who’ll come alongside us. See what’s potentially in us. Even though we’re not able to articulate it, they see it and know how to pull it from us. And so that we can be all who God intended us to be. It’s interesting – there’s some research that indicates that anybody who has finished well has had anywhere from 10 to 15 mentors in their life.
Vince: See, and don’t you think that guys have almost this propensity to just think that they can do life alone, and by ourselves? Yet it leads to this mediocrity and lots of potential, with no production in our life.

Vince: See, and don’t you think that guys have almost this propensity to just think that they can do life alone, and by ourselves? Yet it leads to this mediocrity and lots of potential, with no production in our life.
Greg: Well we have this independent mentality. And the enemy knows that quite well. And so he’s waiting to call us from the crowd or the herd. Because then we’ll be susceptible to his wiles. When I counsel men, or I mentor men – it’s interesting that, when they’re in trouble, when they’re having difficulty – they have a tendency to isolate themselves. Thinking that they’re going to be able to put their life back together, and then join the herd again.

Vince: Yeah.
Greg: But the fact of the matter is, they rarely do.

Greg: But the fact of the matter is, they rarely do.

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: And so it’s almost an opposite. That that’s the very time when you want to be alone and lick your wounds, that you need to bring somebody alongside you. And so you have to go counter to what your natural inclination is. And to lean into your fear, and bring somebody alongside you.

Vince: Yeah, we’ve talked about that before, right? Where we as men have to gain the courage to engage the battle, right? And the battle is something that happens within us. Paul describes that vividly throughout his letters. That there’s a spiritual battle happening within us. And that battle within us, I think – most of the time, for men, spiritually – is apathy. We engage all parts of life and sometimes engage them very robustly. But when it comes to our spiritual lives, sometimes we don’t engage. We retract from the battle. Maybe because of fears of the unknown, maybe it’s we’re scared of ourselves, maybe it’s shame or regret that we have from the past? And so we don’t engage. And consistently, Greg – I have heard you say, “We have to lean into this.”

Greg: Yeah.

Vince: And it requires some self-initiative to seek out that mentor, and not live in that apathy. It’s almost like, we have to overcome the impulse to live in that apathy. To just be comfortable with the way things are. Because then it’s just – like you said – you use the word, “mediocrity.” I think that’s beautiful. Or we just sit in this quiver of potential, and we move those quivers around. That’s a great vivid image for me. And we don’t want to live that. We want to shoot those arrows, we want to take them out and use them for what they’re to be used for.

Greg: It’s much easier to go ahead and articulate a passion in your soul without initiating it. And I’ve worked with too many men who keep telling me what – the passion that God’s given them and their soul, but have never pulled a trigger to do anything about it. And so they seem to be satisfied with just articulating and not acting on it. Because it’s a fearful proposition. Because you take risks.

Vince: Right.

Greg: Ewrin, the author of, “The Last Arrow,” said that courage has never been the absence of fear. It’s always been the absence of self. And so it takes some initiative. You’ve got to be willing to put the past on the altar and burn it and move ahead, and not be encumbered or chained by failures in the past, and bring people alongside you that will help you release your arrow of potential – so it becomes a reality, rather than just a dream. And so men are designed to – a cause to die for, a challenge to embrace, loved one to protect. We’ve talked about that before. And if you want a cause to die for, you need to know how to engage it without killing yourself in the process.

Vince: Right.

Greg: And that takes another brother.

Vince: Right.

Greg: To come alongside you at the particular moment in time. And it’s not just any brother, it just depends on what your mentoring need is at the moment.

Vince: At the time, right. Exactly.

Greg: And I’m sure we’ll be talking about the different types of mentors–

Vince: Right.

Greg: And different types of needs. But the fact of the matter is, is that if you can’t articulate what your need is – how is somebody going to be able to resolve it for you?

Vince: Right. I – you probably have heard this story before through the lives of a lot of other men, Greg. But I gotta tell you, I– I, myself – for many years of my life, went completely mentor-less. The fact of the matter is, I did ask people to step in – and no one did. I always heard 2 excuses. They were, “I don’t have the time,” and “I don’t know what to do.” And I believe those are the classic apathetic responses of numerous capable men who have time to step in. I believe that mentorship is what heals the forward movement of the gospel. And it’s men engaging, pushing through the fear of the unknown. And what they may not know how to do. And taking the time to do it. Because God passed us a baton of discipleship, right?

Greg: Yes.

Vince: And I believe that when he passed us that baton of discipleship by coming and living with us, right? He very purposely gathered 12 men around them. And then said, “Hey guys, I’m leaving. I’m handing you the baton of discipleship.” And really if you think about it, Greg – we’re sitting here today having this conversation, because of what Jesus Christ did with those 12 dudes.

Greg: Yeah, yeah.

Vince: And it’s a very simple linchpin, right? But we have to not live in the silence of that. We have to re-engage that, and push through the fears of what we don’t know how to do, and what we don’t – maybe don’t feel like we have time to do, right?

Greg: Well yeah, I wonder if it’s really an issue of time, rather than an issue of, “I haven’t got a clue how to mentor somebody.” Or, “And it’s going to take up too much time.” Or, “If I go ahead and mentor this guy, I’m going to be chained to him for the rest of my life. Like I don’t want to do that.”

Vince: Yeah.

Greg: But you know what scripture says. I think what you’re alluding to Vince, is the scripture says that what we have learned, we’re to pass on to others.

Vince: Yes.

Greg: And so consequently – I mean – that’s releasing the arrow as well. You go through life – like I said, I’m in the winter of my leadership. I’ll be 70 in July. But I want to crash through the gates of hell, having left everything on the field of engagement. And so I make no excuses for wanting to come alongside a guy, hold him accountable. Help him become who God’s called him to be. And most men I know are just totally unaware of how God’s wired them. And how they can leverage that wiring for God’s redemptive purposes, and come to a position in their life where they reach what my mentor calls, “Convergence.” Which is getting to a place in your life, where 80% of who you are overlaps 80% of what you do.

That means increased effectiveness. That means increased efficiency. That means you’re honoring what God placed in you. That means you’re not going to be embarrassed at the judgment state of Christ when you have to give an account for what you’ve done in the faith, and he’s expecting an ROI – a return on his investment.
Vince: Right.

Vince: Right.

Greg: And you’re not going to say– You won’t have to be fearful of saying, “Well I buried it in the ground and I’m giving it back to you as I received it.”

Vince: Yeah, that’s beautiful and I– I – the only part I disagree with is the fact that you’re in the winter of your leadership. I think that God has given you an incredible gift, Greg. To be able to speak to men purposefully. I mean, even the conversations we have right now are mentoring to me and lots of other men. And I think you’re saying the same thing I’m saying. Which is – we need to engage with mentorship. It is the methodology that Jesus deployed. We need to push through our fears, overcome the obstacles, lean into it. Because guys – if you’re listening, I hope you heard Greg say it. Don’t be mediocre.

Greg: That’s right.

Vince: Which is a nice way to say, “Don’t be a loser,” right? And I think that – guys, we need you. We need you as Christian men and leaders to pass on to the next generation hopes for the kingdom. And it’s not like God has to use you. But he wants to, right?

Greg: Well, don’t be satisfied with average.

Vince: Yeah, there you go. Greg: In God’s kingdom, we’re not average.

Greg: In God’s kingdom, we’re not average.
Vince: I know.

Vince: I know.

Greg: I mean, he’s indented our formation in our mother’s womb. He knew us before we ever were. He set the days that we would live on this earth. He prepared in advance a purpose for our life. So it’s aligning you with that purpose that brings significance and meaningfulness to our life. So don’t be satisfied with average.

Vince: Yeah. And guys need to hear that, don’t we? Because maybe it might be just a little bit of that competitive spirit that might move a guy a little bit today. I love what you said. I want to see if I don’t mutilate this quote. But you used a quote from one of your close mentors today, who wrote the book – it’s called, “The Last Arrow.” Is that right?
Greg: Yes, yeah.

Greg: Yes, yeah.

Vince: Erwin McManus, he said, “Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the–”

Greg: Absence of self.

Vince: Absence of self.

Greg: So in other words, what – saying is – is that “We’re going to be fearful, but that’s not to encumber us. That’s not to limit us.” Fear is a good thing because it means we’re going to take whatever we engage seriously. We’re going to weigh the cost. But we need to lean into that fear, embrace the unknown – and God will take us to places we have never been. To mountaintops, we had never climbed. To valleys, we’ve never seen. To horizons, we’ve never visualized. And so the whole idea is, is that – there’s an adventure out there. And who wants to go ahead and stay home with your bags packed, thinking about what could’ve been on the journey? Let’s take the journey. But we can’t take it alone.

Vince: Yeah. Here’s a verse for us as we end today, Greg. Maybe something that might inspire the guys? Second Timothy 1:14. Guard the deposit that was entrusted to you. That God gave you something, right? Guard the deposit that was entrusted to you. Guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives within us. And entrust it to others, right? Entrust this to others. Well Greg, thank you for being with us.

And that’s the show. Thanks for listening. As we close, I want to remind you that we have great content for your men’s groups, excellent small group videos and participant handbooks that will empower the men of your church to lead. And equip them to build the men around them. You’ve got to check out our newest series. It’s entitled “Defeating Repetitive Sin For Men.” Check it all out at beresolute.org. Or you can just send me a direct email at [email protected] I’d love to speak with you guys.

And as always, I hope you enjoy this podcast. But please know that the time that we spent together today is worthless unless you choose to do something with it. So act on it. Do something right now today. By getting off the bench and into the game. And I’ll see you right back here next time for another edition of the Resolute Podcast.

Playing Small Group Videos From a Laptop to TV

How to play our media from a laptop to an in-home television.

While most smaller groups use our videos in streaming format straight from a laptop or iPad, we know that some prefer to play our videos on a larger flat screen television. This is simple to do but because there are so many options we want to give you the simplest method.

FIRST | CONNECT TO WIFI

You will need to be connected to local wifi to either or play or download the relevant small group video. While the old-school method was DVD, we do not use this method any longer. You can either connect to wifi and stream the video with a stable wifi connection, or if you do not have a stable connection you can download the video while connected and save it to your laptop.

SECOND | CONNECT LAPTOP TO TV, MONITOR, OR PROJECTOR

There are a few ways to do this. We recommend a “hardwired” choice since this presents fewer issues. While some will “sling” the video using Apple Play or other wireless options this might present interruptions if the wifi is disconnected during a pause or stop. Here are three ways to connect your laptop to the TV

  1. If you are using a PC you can use a straight HDMI male to HDMI male cord: http://amzn.to/2eZCt0n
  2. If you are using a Mac (older version) you can use this adapter to HDMI male to male: http://amzn.to/2gIHgHc
  3. If you are using a Mac (newer version) you can use this adapter HDMI male to male: http://amzn.to/2gDMT5Z

Then just push play as need be.

5 Steps To A Great Men’s Retreat

Resolute Men's Ministry Bible Studies

How To Plan A Great Men’s Retreat

In 5 simple steps that will make your life easier


King David Men's Retreat Bible Study Lessons

If you have ever been responsible for planning a retreat and getting men to attend, then you know this can be a challenging task. And with increased demands on a man's life, retreats for men are becoming more and more difficult to attend. Even so, I speak at a few each year that are very successful and here are some pointers to keep in mind.

First | Plan In Advance

Last-minute men’s retreats just create stress for everyone involved. Instead, give your men 6-12 months notice so they can adjust family and work calendars appropriately. Make sure to avoid holidays or calendar conflicts specific to your community. The best time of the year is always mid-fall and deep-winter. I have found men's retreats in early November and early February work best. These seasons work because these periods have fewer conflicts and more regular work rhythm for men and families.

Second | Gather A Team & Support

Your leadership and church need to be behind the retreat. Promotion through the sermon and church communication will drive men to attend. Also, find the trusted, well-liked men and get them excited and committed to participate and plan the event together. Guys will be more likely to engage if personally invited by another guy. Also, if possible, I would highly encourage you to partner up with other churches that you trust. I don't know why we don't do this more often, but churches that partner together for a men's retreat are going to get more participation more quickly. Find some like-minded leaders in other churches and partner with them if possible, and you will build a more substantial vision not just for your church but the community.

Third | A Balanced Retreat Structure

As a rule of thumb, most Men's Retreats are 1.5-2 days. They begin on Friday night and end on Saturday night or Sunday morning. I know some that are shorter day retreats or brief conferences. I would suggest no more than two large group meetings per day. For most weekend retreats, the correct number is two to four. One on Friday night, two on Saturday, and one on Sunday morning. During these meetings make sure and allow for men to interact with each other, and don't just talk to the men. They have come not only for spiritual inspiration but in hopes of building new friendships with other men. Keep in mind music with a group of men can be powerful but you need to do it well and yet go with simple and not over-produced. And little details like downtime for conversation, mixers, games, athletic competition, journaling, prayer, and unique adventures can all be included.

Fourth | Create A Memory

Retreats should have a memory that men will forever remember. I remember one year I faked a bus breakdown and made men hike to camp with their luggage. I can promise you; no one ever forgot this one. Never underestimate the power of creating a memory and having a clarion call for you men. Be creative and do not be afraid of going over the top.

Fifth | A Compelling Topic

Finally, pick a topic and find a story that resonates with men. Teaching is fine, but a compelling story centered on the truth of God’s Word is best. Find a communicator that can get men to look deeply into Scripture and a curriculum that will get men talking about it together. And never forget the Word of God is the most critical catalyst for seeing men’s heart’s changed.

If you are looking for material for your men’s group or are looking for help with your small group leadership, reach out to us a www.beresolute.org or send us an email at [email protected].

Vince Miller Founder of ResoluteVince Miller is the founder of Resolute and is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to communicate to men and has a deep passion for God’s Word. He has authored ten books and small group bible studies exclusively for men.

 

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How To Plan A Great Men’s Breakfast

Lukewarm a Mens Daily Devotional by Vince Miller at Resolute Mens Bible Studies

How To Plan A Great Men’s Breakfast

Now guys, where there is a men’s ministry, you’ll probably find a men’s breakfast. And I have been to more men’s breakfasts than you can imagine. Usually, I speak at about one each week at some church around the country, and I have to tell you some are awesome and some, well, not so much. And while I always seem to enjoy them, there are some that I have attended that are just better than others. So, I figured I would share with you four components that I believe will make any men’s breakfast better that lead to increased spiritual outcomes.

First | Pick A Great Day and Time

Picking the best day and time is critical, and I believe Saturday morning is the best time for the biggest audience. Regardless of the age of the man, most are available to come for an early Saturday morning breakfast that does not interfere with other weekend activities. The highest attendance is always between 8:00-9:30 AM, but you can go earlier or stay a little later. But when the clock hits 10:00 AM guys are going to begin to get a little squeamish so don’t drag it on. Have a sharp end and let men hang out if they want, but a trapped man is not a happy man.

Second | Be Invitational

Men are not just going to show up. And while an announcement at weekend services helps, it is not the only way to invite. So, don’t count on this working! There are a lot of tactics that will help, but the most important tactic is to gather a team of men that will invite and bring men with them. This personal buy-in from other known men is a powerful indicator of their confidence in the morning, and if men are not inviting then they are not confident! So, get buy-in from a few men, and invite them to work on your behalf. Also, if you can get your senior leader behind it, this is very helpful. People follow your senior leader, and usually, his influence reaches farther than you think. Other than that, promote the snot out of the bacon, pancakes, and coffee and leverage social media to get the message out.

Third | Locate a Great Speaker & Inspirational Topic

You need an exceptional speaker that can speak to men’s issues and drive men toward spiritual change. Try to go all out here and pay him to be there. I have attended a few men’s where the speaker was less than inspirational, and this can leave everyone disappointed. All the other components are easy, but a good or bad presenter will determine the spiritual direction and outcomes. As you select your presenter, keep in mind men experience various “pain-points” in life that need to be addressed. And while a gospel presentation is always viable, I would make sure that the main topic addresses the issues that men in your culture. In general, men wrestle with issues like purpose, leadership, family, marriage, career, and private and personal sin. Find a topic for your men that would get them thinking and drives them toward spiritual change. And make sure this is done in a way that builds men up, without shame, and you will draw a crowd of men who are hungry not just for breakfast but spiritual growth.

Fourth | Define Next Steps

Well defined next steps are the most critical component that many men's leaders forget. We get so focused on completing the event that sometimes men never hear what is next. Events can inspire change, but real transformation needs a defined process with clear next steps. Determining these actions is not just a good idea; it is pivotal for your men’s ministry, and its future growth and expansion. Clarify for men what you want them to do next, and be determinative about it. I have learned over the years that suggesting is not a good idea, just tell them and they are more likely to do it.

If you ever want to talk this out, or are looking for a men’s speaker I hope you will give me a call. You can contact us at [email protected] or feel free to call the office our phone number is on the top of the home page on the website

Vince Miller Founder of ResoluteVince Miller is the founder of Resolute and is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to communicate to men and has a deep passion for God’s Word. He has authored ten books and small group bible studies exclusively for men.

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