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Category Archives: Mentoring
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14
Sep
Sep
Want To Crush Your Goals As A Man Of God In 2020?
So, people, each year, ask me how I establish and crush my goals. Here's how I do it.
I choose to establish a goal-setting framework that is focused on the needed thinking, character, and behaviors, that will round me out as a man of God—not one that focuses on a single aspect of success, (i.e., career). I try to focus on a plan that will round me out as a man of God and can be broken down into measurable steps. I read my goals weekly, monitor them monthly, give effort continuously, and focus on long-term annual gains. Choose to use my framework, modify it, or make your own—but as I say, "don't do nothing."
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Download a worksheet you can use to build your own annual goals using my 8-F Framework.
FAITH:
- Reading - Reading from the Bible each day.
- Prayer - Pray regularly for my wife, children, and Elliott to be bold and courageous.
- Reflection - Monitor emotions, mindsets, and corrupt beliefs about self.
FAMILY:
- Spouse - Be caring in communication & active in romance.
- Children - Be regularly patient & teaching at each opportunity, and send the Dad’s Daily Devo to the family.
FRIENDS:
- Meaningful Time - Schedule trips to Maui, HI and Vail, CO with buds.
- Communication - Nourish friendship through texting, communication, and social media.
FITNESS:
- Running - One time each week 3-7 miles.
- Crossfit - Four times each week be in the box and give a full effort
- Care - Listen carefully to my body when aching or hurting, and stretch regularly.
FOOD:
- Calories - Moderate my caloric intake as appropriate for size, age, and needed energy.
- Balance - Eat balanced macros focusing on increased protein, remove wheat and gluten from diet.
FUN:
- Adventure - Do one adventurous thing monthly.
FINANCES:
- Income - Increase speaking engagement and book sales attaining goals each month.
- Expense - Watch spending and moderate, pray every time I pull the card out.
FUTURE:
- Handoff - Focus the next 10 years on multiplication, scalability, and sustainability of work.
- Age Groups - Turn my focus on younger generations and empowering them.
- Network - Build growing relationships with challenging mentors, request the first meeting when I find one.
- Writing - Write two more books this year.
Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 18 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God's Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men's Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at www.beresolute.org. See his latest book and small group study Called to Act: 5 Uncomplicated Disciplines for Men.
14
Sep
Sep
Why We Should Avoid Gossip
Three reasons we should avoid gossip in our conversations with others.
All of us have done it, and it is a constant temptation: gossiping about others. In putting others down (which is what gossip is), we seek to elevate self, show off our knowledge of inside information, and injure those who are an irritant to us. The dictionary defines gossip as "casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true." Gossip is found in the workplace, between friends, in the church and wherever people are located. But why should gossip be banished from our conversations?
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Short. Sweet. To the Point.
First | Gossip displeases God.
Paul addresses what Christian conversation ought to look like in Ephesians 4:29. "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Sharing information about others that is corrupting to another person is not edifying. Even negative news that we may know to be true, shared with uninvolved parties does not build others up according to their needs. Often, we use corrupting talk as a means to shame others and build ourselves up.
Second | Gossip is often character assassination.
Think about it. We would never assassinate another person, but we have assassinated the character of others when we have engaged in gossip. Assassinating someone's character creates negative perceptions by those around them who often accept the gossip they have heard as truth. And all too often gossip grows as it is shared until the real situation (which we are probably not privy to anyway) does not reflect reality. In essence, we are trafficking the sin at the misfortune of others. And, unfortunately, it is often not even entirely true, but only a partial truth and a judgment about the motivation of others.
Third | Gossip is destructive to relationships.
I have never seen gossip not adversely affect relationships between people. This is true in marriage, families, business, politics, and the church. Think of the supervisor or boss who is the subject of gossip by others. Do you think they are not affected? Or consider the pastor who does things exactly your way, and is the subject of comical ridicule, do you think he is not impacted by your private conversations? Or the man person who has just experienced a tragic fail, do you think your gossip is helpful for him? Those who traffic in gossip are like arsonists who start fires and then moving on to watch the victim deal with the consequences of the burn.
But the bottom line is that gossip is destructive on many levels and often impossible for the subject of our gossip to change the perceptions shared. In gossiping about them, we wound others and create distance in relationships. But a right word has the power to encourage, heal, support, and mend the brokenhearted.
Proverbs 26:20 reads, "For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases."
Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 18 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God's Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men's Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at www.beresolute.org. See his latest book and small group study Called to Act: 5 Uncomplicated Disciplines for Men.
13
Sep
Sep
God Uses Broken Men
Regardless of what you think about yourself or what you think other people think about you, God is still using men like you. Even when you're broken, bruised, and beaten up.
I love reading about the men God used in the Bible. They are rarely the ones I think he would use. Think about Moses. He had an anger problem, which led him to kill an Egyptian official, which resulted in him running for his life. He went from being in the Egyptian palace's hierarchy to be a hired shepherd in the valley. And then, when God thrust him into leadership, he complained that he didn't have the verbal or persuasive skills necessary to confront the Pharaoh. (I assume some people today would say he had a bit of a self-esteem problem.) Add to this his issues with his family of origin: abandonment; adoption; raised by a Pharaoh who oppressed his people. Had Prozac been available, I imagine Moses would have been first in line. God used him to lead the most significant movement in the Bible: The Exodus. What can we learn from stories like this about how God uses men?
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Short. Sweet. To the Point.
Three things we need to remember.
First | God is not hindered by our past failings.
Did you get that? Moses was an emotional wreck at times, and God still used him. He was a wimp at times, and God still used him. Some days he wanted to give up, and God still used him. He was overwhelmed, and guess what - yep, God still used him. And other characters were much the same. David was an adulterer, murderer, and liar. Paul imprisoned and persecuted Christians. Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife, twice: and the list could go on. But why did God continue to use them? Because they had a heart for him in spite of their failures and faults - and we all have ours. Only God can redeem every part of our biography, no matter how bad, and refashion it for his purposes. No person and no one's story is exempt.
Second | God uses ordinary people to accomplish extraordinary work.
Why? Because when God calls us to do something for him, he gives us what we need to accomplish it. In other words, it's never about us and always about him, his power, and his purposes. In 1 Corinthians 1:27, Paul writes, "But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong." In other words, he uses ordinary people like us so that it is evident that God's extraordinary power is responsible for any success we have. Nice move God; more of you and less of us.
Third | God desires a willing man.
Most of us think we are not qualified for ministry. We almost impulsively disqualify ourselves. And we are wrong to do this. All of us are called to use our gifts for God. What God wants from us is a heart that wants what God wants. In 1 Samuel 16:7, we read these words of God as Samuel selects the next man to be king. "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." God is still seeking men with heart, a heart for him. Therefore we can see God's prerequisite is not perfection but the willingness of heart, and yes despite our biographies that others see. The cool part is that he takes the good, bad, and ugly of our story and uses it for his purposes.
Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 18 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God's Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men's Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at www.beresolute.org. See his latest book and small group study Called to Act: 5 Uncomplicated Disciplines for Men.
06
Sep
Sep
5 Steps To Accountability
How to build accountability into your spiritual life with a plan that promises to produce greater spiritual returns.
In spite of the popular image of the rogue male individualist - the "Jason Bourne" type - God designed us for relationships. Even the strongest and most rugged of us need other men to live life well and to gain spiritual traction. Here are some ways that each of us can build accountability into our spiritual lives.
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One | Quit avoiding relationships.
Men can be intensely private about their inner lives. Sometimes this protective privateness is just plain old pride. A pride that keeps us from getting in touch with our deeper needs or taking the step of sharing these needs because they expose our weaknesses. In fact, when it comes to accountability in our spiritual lives, it is often the mere sin of pride that prevents advancement. Humility says, "I need to be in a relationship," while pride says, "I don't want to expose myself." This issue is directly related to the second truth.
Two | Invite honest feedback.
As humble men, we should be willing to invite feedback so that we can get help where we struggle. The first step is admitting this to ourselves – rather than pretending otherwise – and the second step is inviting others in to help. We only invite this feedback when we have authentic and trusting relationships with other Christ-following men.
Three | Ask for specific accountability.
There is no Christian who doesn't need accountability. All of us have different struggles and unique vulnerabilities, and without authentic relationships with others, we will never become better men. But here is the thing about accountability - you have to be specific to see specific results. You have two paths to choose from on this one. You can avoid specific accountability and take the easy road. Or you can start asking for specific accountability and take the harder road. But it's the harder road that produces better results. When we invite another man to hold us accountable in areas of weakness, while it might be embarrassing, or even painful to make the needed changes, this is the hard road to positive change. Accountability must be specific and measurable, so we know when we win and we lose.
Four | Make accountability positive.
We often resist traditional accountability because it reminds us of an authoritarian relationship. But accountability is not just about obeying rules, being disciplined, or being made to feel inadequate. There is another way of looking at accountability which is far more positive. It is one that asks questions like, "Can we mutually encourage each other as we follow Jesus?" Keep in mind the New Testament writers tells us numerous time to "encourage one another." Turn accountability from a negative experience to a positive one.
Five | Define small marks of success.
We will never "arrive" in our spiritual life until we see Jesus. However, every small step we take to grow in Christ builds on every other small step we have taken, and all of those incremental steps lead to significant growth on our part. Celebrate those incremental steps! Philippians 3:16, Paul makes an interesting statement. He says, "Only let us live up to what we have already attained." In other words, live what we know and keep on growing. These suggestions can help you live what you know.
Vince Miller is a speaker, author, and mentor to men. He is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to communicate to audiences on the topics of mentorship, fathering, leadership and manhood. He has authored 13 books and small group curriculum for men and is the primary content creator of all Resolute materials. Contact Vince Miller here. His newest book is Thirty Virtues That Build A Man.
05
Sep
Sep
5 Things To Do When You Fail Spiritually
Five things I remember when I fail that keep me moving forward as a man who is all in.
All of us fail spiritually. For some of us, this can turn into a downward spiral of guilt, sadness, and hopelessness which is a recipe for further collapse. And negative self-talk or voices from the past can whispers untruths like, "you're not worthy, you're a failure, and you'll never live up to God's expectations." Yet there are better ways and more biblical approaches to dealing with a failure of a spiritual nature.
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First | Move beyond the event.
It happened, and now it has become an event of the past. Acknowledge to yourself the failure. Learn from the failure. Confess your failure to others. But don't dwell on it too long. Instead, start taking steps to move beyond it. The worst decision we can make is allowing the failure to define us by replaying the tape in our mind and letting the private shame define us. You are a son of God, and this one event doesn't determine your identity - God does. Move beyond it with lessons learned.
Second | Identify what triggered the event.
Sin has triggers and understanding them is a key to becoming aware of our vulnerabilities. Triggers can be managed if they are identified and if we battle them with proactive tactics. For men who struggle with pornography, anger, or passivity there are usually triggers that precede the event. They are events that set the sin cycle in motion. Identify these so that you can more effectively deal with it in the future.
Third | Seek God's forgiveness.
No sin reaches beyond God's grace. None. Not one. God stands ready to forgive, but we must recognize our sin and seek his forgiveness. This is why Jesus came - to give his life for our wrongs. There is no moving on from spiritual failure without God's forgiveness, and there is no spiritual failure that is beyond his forgiveness. You cannot earn it. He gives it freely. Release it to him.
There is no moving on from spiritual failure without God's forgiveness, and there is no spiritual failure that is beyond his forgiveness.
Four | Forgive yourself.
Ok, this is easier said than done, but how can we not forgive ourselves if Jesus has forgiven us? To refuse to forgive ourselves is to reject the forgiveness of God. We cannot move on until we forgive ourselves.
Five | Move beyond cycling shame.
Shame is a cycle that is triggered by failure and then leads to additional failure as described above. Moving beyond our shame because of God's forgiveness is critical. There will be people who want you to live in continued pity: don't do it! It's why Jesus died – so we can be free from shame, guilt, and sin. Live in freedom.
Six | Find accountability and brotherhood.
Sharing our struggles with another trusted individual is a key to dealing with spiritual failure. There is a freedom in verbalizing our struggles, sin, and hunger for victory with another brother. We suffer in secrecy, but we flourish in honesty. A wise, trusted friend can give you perspective, show you grace and help hold you accountable in the areas where you struggle. Verbalizing our struggles with another and allowing them into our lives is a key to overcoming spiritual failure.
We suffer in secrecy, but we flourish in honesty
Vince Miller is a speaker, author, and mentor to men. He is an authentic and transparent leader who loves to communicate to audiences on the topics of mentorship, fathering, leadership and manhood. He has authored 13 books and small group curriculum for men and is the primary content creator of all Resolute materials. Contact Vince Miller here. His newest book is Thirty Virtues That Build A Man.