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Sample PackSlow Down Your Anger
What makes you angry? Seriously, do you know what makes you angry?
This is Vince Miller.
Our text today is from Proverbs 15:18. It reads:
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. — Proverbs 15:18
I believe anger is one of man’s great problems. But I think this problem is very misunderstood and overdiagnosed because we focus too much on the effects and not the cause.
So, what is anger?
Anger is a feeling. A man will experience and express this feeling when he is irritated by some event. Therefore, anger signals that something does not sit right with him, and he will sometimes express this irritation in an outburst that is easier to see.
But anger is often more defined by the strife others experience rather than the feeling being signaled by an irritating event. And because men move through the process so quickly, most have trouble slowing it down before it becomes an outburst. Here’s how the process works:
Triggering Event > Emotional Irritation > Feeling of Anger > Outburst > Strife
But the wisdom of the proverb is this — slow the process down.
And the best way to slow it down is to ask yourself why? Why am I angry? Just take a hard look at the triggering event, the irritation, and your feelings, and ask yourself why. And remember, the only thing that stops the progression of anger is the man who knows why he is angry. And when he knows why, he is able also to quiet the contention with others.
Here is your call to action today:
When you get angry today. Which you will do at some point. I want you to slow it down. Count to ten slowly. And then ask the question. Why am I angry right now? If you stir up this question and you know the answer, you’ll be less likely to stir up strife with others.
You can visit me at vincemiller.com.
And live all for him, who lived all in for you!
slowing down is hard, but that slow 10 count works more often than not with my kids, not as much with my wife, but my kids are usually the ones making me angry, not my wife, so going to work on the SLOW 10 count more often myself.
Yessir…working on slowing down. I have a lot of learning to do and reps to get in.
Too often my reactions take over vs. a godly response.
Great stuff, thanks Vince.
Count to 10 and think about why. Excellent and simple
Thank you for giving me yet another tool for how to be strong when I’m weak. Anger is not a way we show strength but weakness. Slowing things down will give me time to process why I am irritated. Then ask myself, how would Jesus resolve this with love and kindness.
My solution is to pray for the driver causing my frustration by license plate number, if I can see it.
What makes me angry. Well this will blow your mind. I make me angry. If I can’t do something because of my medical then the Fuze is lit. It take 1 little thing someone else does to push me over the edge. I’m working on that.
I will grab my Bible or devotional and just pray to my Heavenly Father above to give me the strength, wisdom, courage and love to ask for forgiveness for my trespasses and equally to forgive those that have trespassed against me.
I’m angry when things don’t go the way I expect it or something isn’t done in the manner I think it should be done. My way is best or perfectionism
Will my anger or outburst build up and edify the person I am frustrated at? I need to give up my “right” to “be right”…others first!
So often it my pride that gets bruised. Lord help me to let things go and look to you to slow my anger.
Take a deep breath and step away take the pot away from the heat source
The next time my anger boils I will leave the room and pray.
I will walk away from the situation, take deep breaths and pray that God would help me to calm down and redirect my focus to him in that moment.
To be completely transparent walking away, biting my tongue and or counting to some number to quell the anger rarely work for me. I have prayed many times that God guide my heart in these situations and its very difficult for me to put put out the fire once it has been lit. What I have found that works more often than not is intentionally praying each morning. I think that time with God, even though sometimes it’s really not the best if I am honest, has set the tone for the day where I can feel his presence in those heated moments. Not always but more often then when I had not been proactive about prayer. That said I will choose the walk away method as much as possible and trust that God will provide me with the insight to speak truth and love.
I need to stop and think about the outcome of my anger before I react is it really worth ruining my day over. What relationships could it ruin or damage etc etc
I’m working very hard avoiding the situation unless it’s an emergency at all fall possible, pray and think in my head after I pray what can I do to help the situation.
I will pause and ask the Holy Spirit to help me quiet my anger. Al so try and recognize those situations before they happen and keep from reacting emotionally.
Take a break-such as leave the room or quiet the tongue when feel anger heating up within me.
I wish I would have done this devo this morning… I failed miserably at not letting my temper go. I said some things in traffic this morning, gave a rather unpleasant gesture and became a very aggressive driver, to the point I scared my wife. Next time in that situation I will breath deeply and pray.
I will count to 10, remind myself that I am talking to someone made in God’s image, and talk to them as if I was talking to God, with respect and calmly.
I will ask the Holy Spirit to cool my anger in the name of Jesus.
Breathe deep and set my focus on Him instead of my trigger!
Since I was child Mom always said count to 10 before you respond not react but , sometimes it is just not enough and I need to count to 10,000, Ia ma working on it.
I stated yesterday that my trigger was my pride. Due to my pride, I always feel the need to defend myself and get the last word in.
I resolute to bite my tongue and walk away.
My advance decision has been to just not respond immediately but process the the thought first. My problem is I don’t always succeed. I have got better but still miss the mark. Or when it involves my wife, when I get quiet, she will poke the bear and say things like “oh now you are not talking?” and that sets me off.
I have used the “walk away, leave the room” method, but found out how easy it is to leave God out of the situation by not praying. I get consumed in the moment and feel that I’ve got it under control. BUT I DON’T! Not without God. When I can’t leave the room, I look back on all God has blessed me with. If I’m in my car and get angry, I thank God for blessing me with enough money to buy a car and put gas in it. There’s always room to thank God and it puts a smile on my face when I do that. I also realize that I’m still a work in progress!
Today or the next time I feel that fast boil happening I will plan to walk away, not engage with my words and pray.
I will take all 3 – take a breath to interrupt that hair trigger response, turn away and then pray. Pray for strength and to be filled with a positive spirit – slow down that boil!
When I feel myself getting hot I’m going to stop and think of all of you who are investing in this action. I find when I decide to change a negative habit, my best incentive to stay on task is when I honor someone else with that commitment.
Biting my tongue is not an option as I need it to speak and taste – I’d be biting it clean off too many times!! Just stopping first to recognize when my min d and heart are receptive to anger is the first step for me meaning I need yo pray each morning to get them right at the beginning of the day. Then when it happens, take 5, walk outside, pray and do some breathing exercises to calm my self.
I am praying there with you Todd!
Bite my tongue – pray for strength
There we go!
Learn to see my triggers, injustice and deceit, and ask myself how would God want me to respond before I react of my own will,
I will just stop, walk away with taking time to pray to Jesus for guidance. I like to turn on Christian music to help to clam down.
I will pray for strength from God and walk away without saying anything until I’m in a calm state
Think before I speak.
I will stay calm and go outside for a moment of prayer.
I have learned (the hard way I might add) to stop and pray when I feel my “temperature rising”. Not always sure what to pray at those moments so I just repeat the name Jesus…and invite His Spirit into my heart. Results guaranteed!
I will not leave the room while muttering under my breath. I will keep my thoughts to myself and walk away and consider best steps, reaction, etc to situations that stir anger within me.
I will not slam doors and literally/figuratively close the door on positive dialogue that can work towards resolution.
I try to stop what I’m doing and process the anger. I know anger wants to have control over me & I have to take the time to tell it no. I have to make right decisions based on what I know is true instead of allowing anger have control. I don’t ever remember a good decision that I’ve made that came from anger.
Be quiet. Don’t say anything. Think about what I would say and the actions that would bring about before I say anything.
Stop and pray or if circomestances allow, leave and pray focusing on God’s character with thankfulness for He is slow to anger abounding in steadfast love and kindness…
To recognize I am always in charge of my emotions and anger comes because I fail to control my attitude toward what happens to me.
Immediately praise the Lord for the circumstance/situation!
STOP, ask myself what would Jesus do if he were I! Breath prayer
Stop and Pray and breathe
I like doing the physiological sigh. It’s two breaths in and one breath out and it will calm your blood rate down and give you a second to cool
Next time I feel anger coming on I will breath and realize what Christ has done for me
Leave the room and walk away
Leave the room and pray
Bite my tongue, practice deep breathing exercises and pray
I will try to consciously remove myself from triggers that build anger in me
I’ll be honest, when I get angry, I get angry fast. My first reaction is to immediately resolve whatever the situation may be. My heart rate increases, my tongue is unbridled, and I try to win the argument. My Call to Action will be immediately removing myself be it physically or mentally from the situation, for at least 15 minutes. The 24 hour rule does not work for me.
I am going to bite my tongue. To remember I need not speak and hurt someone, thinking I am right.
Count to 10
Will pit proverbs 15:18 on my desk at work as a reminder throughout the day.
Take 10 deep breathes then say a shorty prayer for guidance for the situation
Get away, stop and pray by asking the Spirit to control my reaction and to fill me with His patience and self-control.
I must stand back, or walk away…. Breath deep, and figure out why I am brewing !!! Before I speak
This is all psychological….. the Change Triangle // look up on the web
Knowing where I am at in these 3 things will help me get to a calm, compassionate position.
1) Defensive — notice them, validate them, and see what your feeling apart from them
2) Inhibitory Emotions — Anxiety – calm it with breathing and grounding get ready to find 7 core emotions
3) Core Emotions – Sensing your body ask yourself do I have …..
Fear, anger, grief, joy, excitement, disgust, sexual excitement STAY WITH IT AS YOU BREATH
After figuring this out, I can head to an open heart state, marked by the C’s
Calm, Curious, Connected, Compassionate, Confident, Creative, Courageous, Clear,
I’m going to try and listen better to their perspective. Maybe they are not even angry at me, but something else that is going on in their life. I can easily get defensive, but it’s not about me as our natural tendency is to be selfish. As a believer, I should desire restoration more than being right. Also, if there is a dispute over email or text, it’s better to talk with that person face to face. Extending grace with as much grace as I have been given is so important.
I will stop and pray
I will separate myself from the situation and pray
Close my eyes and recite James 1:19-20 in my head. And possibly Ephisians 4:26 if I can remember them all inspired of my rage.
*inspite
My decision is to stop and pray!
calmly talk through the situation and explain how I feel to the person that is, intentionally or not, wronging me and how I feel that situation should be handled in the future. most of the time I get hot fast when my kids keep repeating mistakes or are just disrespectful, intentional or not. instead of letting my fuse hit the gunpowder and explode, I am going to choose to increase my fuse by turning these moments of anger into teachable moments for my kids to show them how to respond in a healthy manner to anger and how they can make the situation better, not worse, in the future, for all of us.
I will work on leaving the room and praying. If that is not possible, then I will stop and pray in my head.
I often pray when I find myself starting to get hot. I pray for God giving me peace in my life
Walk away and pray giving it to God right away! I don’t want to hang onto junk anymore, not for 5min!
For me each situation might be different depending on the trigger and how I would respond. Most times I would want to walk away, process it and pray about it. If that’s not possible, it’s going to be bite my tongue and sit quietly without a response in the moment. A dear friend who is a coach and athletic director has a 24 hour rule expectation for himself and his coaches. For any angry parent or situation, we wait 24 hours before responding. I use that many times in email communication, this time allows the “boil” to become a simmer where calmer minds might manage a situation before actually creating more strife and angst. “Be slow to anger…..”
I will try to be quick to listen and slow to speak
I will remove myself from the situation if at all possible, take some good deep breaths and ask God for help.
BREATHE! 4 seconds in, hold for 4, exhale for 4…….repeat, over and over………
I’m going to try to slow down and bite my tongue and not get mad so fast.
The next time it begins to boil fast, I will take a deep breath, exhale slowly and ask God why this situation is bothering me so much. If it’s my own ego, I will then confess it. If it’s because it’s just another annoyance in a day of disappointments, I will confess that. If I have to confront someone, I will do it respectfully.
I need to just take a minute to relax and breath. Knowing that my getting angry will not help solve any problem. God Bless you all.
Amen Jon…you’re exactly right and we all need to realize that!
I need to be still and listen. Take in the information and then excuse myself from the situation. Then I need to recite James 1:19. Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. Finally, I need to pray about it. All too often, I do the right thing and get out of the situation, but I reengage too quickly and I still blow up. If I don’t seek His wisdom and guidance, I don’t have a chance. Unfortunately, I really struggle doing the right thing with those I care about most.
Is weird though, it’s mainly towards a certain person yet I’ve been told Christians shouldn’t avoid people, especially family members
Leave the room, but explain why out of respect for the other person
Find a quiet place and pray to G-D for wisdom and control
This makes me think about the difference between reacting (immediately) vs. responding (more measured). I honestly don’t know what works for me . But what occurred to me is the word “bounce”. A while ago I heard about a bounce technique used to avert your eyes in order to avoid a lingering look. So perhaps I can train myself to bounce when my anger comes on quickly. Like others have said … bounce to another room, bounce outside, etc.
When anger kicks in, especially quickly, removing myself from the situation for a time out to pray is more than likely the ideal situation to act upon to have a moment or even longer to pray and mediditate on the issue addressing the perspective that currently had a change in positivity or such.
if there was one miracle i could have, it would be the removal
of anger from my spirit.
Leave and pray needs to be mine. I definitely feel more comfortable temporarily leaving the situation.
I will bite my tongue and be SLOW to speak. Walk away, if needed, to cool off.
I often engage my mouth when it would be much better if I just called “time out”. It only escalates things when I blurt out whatever
Separate myself from the situation when possible, to pray and calm my spirit
I am going to pause and take 5 deep breaths next time my anger sneaks up on me quickly.
When my wife and I would argue, I’d leave the room until I was comfortable enough to talk about it. PROBLEM was she’d follow me. I’d explain that I “NEED A FEW MINUTES”.
Focus my thoughts on Jesus, and pray over the situation.
Takes steps away to simmer… I still have a lot of ground to chip away at long standing anger. In the moment, stop… step away-physically or mentally. Settle. Learn to give my whole self to the Father. At least the next step🌺💀’s and🌈’s🌺
Walk away, leave the room
pray ahead of time. If not possible, leave the room, redirect my thinking.
I make the advanced decision to not be so quick to respond but instead take a deep breath and then quietly ask God to take the anger away.
Be silent, turn to God for wisdom and calmness.
I take an adult time out 🤣… I go do some outside work/activity to burn some energy and take the time to pray thru it.
Wise man.
It’s funny how God puts things together. This morning my devotional was from James 1: 19 – 27. The word says to be quick to listen , slow to speak and slow to anger. It also says if I just read this and don’t do it, I deceive myself. Hopefully I will learn to listen and not getting angry.
Leave and pray is the choice. Doing it is the challenge!
Next time angry today. Pray may the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart be please to you Lord my rock and my redeemer
I am I am going to be mindful of triggers whether it be certain people or places and be mindful of self-care as far as sleep eating and exercising to also help stabilize mood. I have worked hard on anger and frustration . the more I understand my triggers the more I can work on internal brokenness that results in way over reacting to a situation . With God’s wisdom and my willingness I pray for his Strength in Jesus name
I am going to not respond until I understand fully how I feel, and respond with a calm and centered tone.
well said coach.
I think that’s the key: understand fully why we men get angry. As guys we don’t have a full handle on our emotions and why we feel the way we do. My wife used to say things to me that were really hurtful (not her intent). It would take me hours to unpack that to understand why I was so hurt. I had so many insecurities that I buried or covered that certain comments came across as attacks. When I understood that I dealt with the insecurities, I no longer felt anger towards those types of comments.
Our tone can make all the difference in the world! Oftentimes, my wife says that I am yelling, when I just feel like I’m raising my voice to get my point across. If my wife and kids all feel like I am yelling, then I need to check myself.