Four Things a Father Told His Son About His Future Wife


Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. — Proverbs 31:23

Most of this chapter is written to a young man about finding an ideal wife. Keep in mind most of the Proverbs are written from a father's perspective. And this last chapter is no different. It feels like we get this inside look at what a father, who was a king, told his son about finding the perfect woman.

The main text of chapter 31 is verse 23, which I just read. And I know this because the Hebrew text forms a chiasm. Verse 23 lands right at the apex of the chiasm. In the text, you'll notice the subject matter focuses on the son or the future husband. This verse makes the driving point. This father wants his son to find a wife who will support his notoriety and leadership. And so, the verses that surround this text list characteristics to this end.

I love this chapter because this father does four things well:

  1. He talks with his son about the future. He talks with his son about how a wife will affect him as a man and leader. Some might consider this a show of male superiority, but it's not. It's a loving conversation and a life-altering decision that a father should have with a son.
  2. He emphasizes the importance of a woman's character. He lists a dozen characteristics to seek in his wife: virtue, faithfulness, reverence, strength, endurance, and charity. Any combination of these characteristics would be riveting to any woman.
  3. He doesn't ignore the physical aspects. Sometimes we want to dismiss physical attraction because we think it's vain, but it shouldn't be ignored. And this father sees no shame in addressing how a woman cares, holds, and prepares herself.
  4. He communicates the seen and unseen effects of a good wife. This father knows that his future wife will have an impact on him for the rest of his life. And in the end, he needs to be a husband that his wife will respect both in public and private because he is a man, husband, father, and leader worth honoring.

Fellas, we need to have these conversations with our sons. I know it's not easy, and we may not always say the right things. But we should do our best to have the conversation. And you need to learn to do this by starting small. Just have a short 2-3 sentence conversation with your son today that meets him on his level.

And if you don't have a son yet, you're not even thinking about getting married, or you don't have a father around, read Proverbs 31:10-31. It's good reading. And I think it determines a pretty good target. It's a P-31 wife.

ASK THIS: Are you talking with your son about things that matter?

DO THIS: Have a conversation with your son about something that matters.

PRAY THIS: God, may I never be ashamed of having meaningful conversations with my son. And God, thanks for being a loving father and guide.

PLAY THIS: Cody Carnes - Run To The Father


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Read through the Bible daily with Vince Miller.

Four Things a Father Told His Son About His Future Wife

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8 thoughts on “Four Things a Father Told His Son About His Future Wife

  1. David says:

    God, may I never be ashamed of having meaningful conversations with my son. And God, thanks for being a loving father and guide.

  2. Eddie Ackerman says:

    God blessed me with a wife soon after high school, whom i met while we were both in the military. we dated for almost a year before we got married and faced a difficult first 4 years of dating and 3 years of marriage in the military, but we came out stronger and continue to grow in our faith and closeness to each other. we have also been blessed with 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. Thank You God for sending me Nicole, my loving, God-fearing wife and for blessing us with 17 years together and 16 years of marriage. God, please help me to instill in my daughters the desire to marry a God-fearing man who will lead their household and in my sons the ability and desire to be God-fearing men who will find a God-fearing woman to marry and raise families of their own.
    I also think we should dive into and study the book of Ephesians and talk about the armor of God and the roles of all family members in the household.

  3. David Fredrickson says:

    Thanks for all the Godly wisdom you provide us by abiding in our Lord. I suggest the book of Colossians for the next or future study.

  4. Rich Thomas says:

    I have been blessed with three girls. It is my job to show them how their future husband should treat them and to show them how they are to be the help meet of that man. God will one day bless me with sons in law and I will be able to pour into their lives as well!

  5. Tom F. Sr. says:

    God has blessed me with an incredibly, virtuous woman and crown. We have been together for almost 40 years, and married for just shy of 38. Next to Jesus’ salvation, and my growing relationship with Him, I have NO greater gift than my Cindi. I would not be the man I am today had it not been for her unconditional love, patience and commitment to me. I love her with all that I am and give honor to her as the weaker, NOT less significant, vessel in my life! I thank you Abba Father for Cindi, your daughter and my helpmate!

  6. David L. Trima says:

    God in His wisdom decided to bless me with 4 daughters and 0 sons. So I brought them up to find a husband with Godly properties

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