When your dad says, “It would take too long to explain.” He really means, “I have no idea how it works.”

When your dad says to you mom, “Take a brake, honey, you are working too hard.’’ He really means, “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

When your dad says, “That’s interesting.” He really means, “Are you still talking?”

When your dad says, “It’s a guy thing.” He really means, “There is no sensible thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

When your dad says, “Can I help with dinner?” He really means, “Why isn’t it ready yet?”

When your dad says, “Yes Dear!” He really means, “Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.”

When your dad says, “You know how bad my memory is!” He really means, “I can remember the theme song to Gilligan’s Island, and every vehicle I ever owned – but yes, I forgot your birthday.”

When your dad says, ’Oh don’t fuss I just cut myself. It’s no big deal.” He really means: “I have probably severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt, so get over here and help me!”

When your dad says, ’I can’t find it.’’ He really means, “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless.”

When your dad says, “I heard you.” He really means, “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you’ll not spend the next three days yelling at me.”

When your dad says to your mom, “You know I could never love anyone else.” He really means, “I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.”

When you dad says to your mom, “You look great!” He really means,”Oh please don’t try on one more outfit, we’re late and I’m starving.”

When your dad says, “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.’’ He really means, “No one will ever see us alive again.”