The Truth About Men & Sex – Comfort, Compassion, and Mercy

The Truth About Men & Sex – Discovering a God of all comfort, compassion, and mercy when we need Him most.

SUMMARY: We may not recognize it, but we need a God who meets what the world might call “less than masculine needs.” In this Resolute Leadership Podcast, Vince Miller is joined by Scott Morin, president and founder of Empowering Ranch who counsels men regarding sexual purity. Today we discover a God who is more than just man, but Spirit!

PODCAST:

TRANSCRIPT:

Vince: This is Resolute and the Resolute Leadership Podcast. I’m Vince Miller, your founder, and host. And today we’re in a series that we have entitled, “The truth about men and sex.” Today we’re discussing the topic of comfort, compassion, and mercy.

Welcome to the program. If this is your first time tuning in, well thank you for joining us. Our mission – as Resolute – is to disciple and develop men to lead. And if you’re looking for content for your men’s group, or even your men’s ministry at your church, then you need to go to our website today at beresolute.org. We have a number of tools for men who are leading other men, including some new men’s bible study series’ that we know that you would love for your men’s group. And now gentlemen, let’s dive in.

Well, today I’m joined by a good friend of mine, Scott Morin. Scott Founded a ministry about 6 years ago or so, entitled, “Empowering Ranch” at empoweringranch.com. As a leader and as a man of God, he set off to help men to really uncover their issues and provides counseling to men as they need it – around a number of topics, and one of those is specifically sex. Scott has an incredible story. He is a profound leader. He has a deep passion for Pastoring, and he really is a student of Hebrew. I love this guy. Scott, welcome to the show today.

Scott: Thanks Vince.

Vince: So let’s – let’s close this off with something, I think that really puts a nice bow on some of the conversations that we had.

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: We – we were talking about what, what men are really looking for. And in the last – last couple we walked through your story a little bit. Which I think is just about every – every man’s story.

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: The previous time we – we were talking through a little bit more of the nurture concept, the El Shaddai understanding.

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: And how we’re looking for that nurture. Today we’re looking at things like comfort and compassion and mercy.

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: Scott, what is – what do you think sexuality provides us with that we need so badly? Is it those things, or is it something different?

Scott: I think it is, and I want to take us to Deuteronomy 30, verses 1 through 3 – to look at that a little bit. I’ll just read that passage. “It will come to be when all these things come on you, the blessing and the curses – which I put before you. That you will recall them to your heart, among all the nations where the Lord–” Which in Hebrew is אדוני. “Your God will have expelled you. And that you will return again to אדוני, your God, and obey his voice – according to all that I am instructing you today. You and your sons, with all your heart and with all your soul – then אדוני your God will reverse your captivity and show compassion to you. He will return and convene you from all the people’s.” Just love how compassionate God is in that.

A couple of things I want to point out in there – the word obey. So Vince, you probably know this – that the Hebrew word behind obey is לציית. And it doesn’t technically even mean necessarily, “obey.” It means to hear. And that’s that famous – the לציית that the – that the Jew’s recite.

Vince: Daily, multiple times a day.

Scott: Right, exactly. And what I find interesting about that too, is that most of the time when this gets translated into English is that they eliminate a proposition from it as well that’s in Hebrew. Which is the preposition in. So technically you could translate that in verse 2. And that you will return again to אדוני, your God and hear in his voice, or inside his voice. Okay, so just want to put that piece out there. And then I want to go to verse 3 and put another piece on the table, and then try to tie the 2 of them together.

So in verse 3, it says, “Then אדוני, your God will reverse your captivity and show compassion to you. You may have mercy in your translation.” And what’s interesting about that word as well in Hebrew, is that it actually means “womb.” And so a way you could translate this verse is then אדוני, your God will reverse your captivity and will womb you.

Vince: Wow.

Scott: What in the world is going on here, right? What is it? So maybe you’re – if you’re a person that has read the New Testament, maybe you’re already starting to click to all the dots that are potentially aligning here. But immediately I’m going to John 3, 4, and 5 – where Nicodemus says–

Vince: Yeah.

Scott: “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly I say to you – unless one is born of water and the spirit, he cannot enter the Kingdom of God.” And I feel like Nicodemus and Jesus are talking about this reality in Deuteronomy 30. This reality that we need to be born again spiritually. That we need to crawl back inside God’s womb spiritually and be born again. And then connecting those 2 pieces together.

When we are in the womb, when a baby is in the womb, they are inside their mother’s voice. And that’s what that says in Deuteronomy 30, verse 2. It says to hear in his voice, to be inside the womb of God. So anyways Vince, thoughts on – on the אדוני having a womb?

Vince: I actually love it. Because I think that – we are created in Gods image – both male and female. And while this is a guy’s show and–

Scott: Right.

Vince: We’re talking mostly to guys.

Scott: We’ll just have to lower our voice once in a while.

Vince: Yeah. That’s all we do, that’s all we got to do – just lower our voice once in a while. But I’ve got to tell you, I know – like you do – that the Hebrew language is so, so poetic.

Scott: Right.

Vince: And so descriptive–

Scott: And mysterious.

Vince: I know, and it’s so hard to understand. I mean we could spend time talking about 100 words today.

Scott: Right.

Vince: But I think the Israelite’s and the Hebrews and even the Jewish Nation understood things about God that we only see in material form. Because I believe our country is very materialistic, and therefore we turn toward material things that we worship. And then we miss all these beautiful characteristics about who God is, right?

Scott: Right, right.

Vince: And God wants us here from what I’m hearing you read, and how you’re describing these things.

Scott: Right.

Vince: Is that he wants us to fall in love–

Scott: Right.

Vince: Like to be nurtured and comforted and like you say, experience compassion and mercy. Inside of the heart of who he is, and he is not a physical being.

Scott: Right.

Vince: He’s a deeply spiritual being, and he wants to – like you said, womb you.

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: And hear or listen in to his voice. I mean, that’s pretty descriptive for me of something that goes beyond this worldly experience.

Scott: Right.

Vince: That maybe guys don’t ever experience, therefore they turn to vices.

Scott: Right.

Vince: Then maybe tried to present a false representation of that.

Scott: Yeah. Yeah, you and I Vince, were talking offline just before this podcast – and we were saying – if God thought it right and appropriate and necessary to give us a father and a mother, why wouldn’t God also father us spiritually, and mother us spiritually?

Vince: Right. I think that’s – I don’t know if you could even say it much better than that. Because – now let me, let me, let me throw a wrench into the whole thing.

Scott: Okay.

Vince: And it’s not a theological wrench, it’s more of a practical wrench. Because I – and I don’t, I don’t know if you can answer this question. If you cannot, it’s, it’s mostly an experiential question and I have my own response to it too, but–

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: I’m betting, I’m betting that guys turn to sexual addiction, to pornography – whatever it may be. And it could be other vices too, it doesn’t have to just be pornography. But let’s take pornography for instance. Maybe because they want comfort, and they’ve never received it from earthly parents.

Scott: Right.

Vince: Am I close?

Scott: Oh man, yeah. I think there’s absolute – I think there’s a connection there, absolutely. And even – and just – I don’t think Vince or I want to rip on earthly parents in the least. Like no matter, if you are the perfect parent – God has designed us to need God. And–

Vince: Period.

Scott: Period.
Vince: Yeah.

Vince: Yeah.

Scott: Like we are – no matter how perfect our parents were or weren’t, there– We are going to need to go to God ultimately for ultimate mothering, ultimate fathering. It’s like God designed us almost with an ache in our soul. I mean it’s–

Vince: Yeah.

Scott: It’s part of the consequence of the fall, right? Those things are not perfectly right.

Vince: Yeah.

Scott: And so we have to turn back. And I think – and yeah, Vince – I’m glad you brought up the pornography piece. Because I feel like now that we’ve talked through – now that we’re on kind of the final podcast here, what’s – what I want to throw out there is just this idea that – when you’re going to pornography and you’re looking at boobs, you’re actually looking for God, and you’re looking for El Shaddai to nurture you.

The Same thing is happening here in this one when you are going to pornography and maybe the thing of choice for you is looking at vaginas or butts or whatever it is – that’s where the womb is. The womb is between those things. You – they’re– Like you are attracted to – notice what you’re attracted to in pornography. Like there are – there – it may give you a clue what you’re actually looking for. And I think if those are you’re – the things that draw you in– Once again, I said this once before – our desires are good, we’re just taking them in the wrong place.

Vince: Right.

Scott: So your desire to look at a vagina or a butt, that desire in one sense is good. You’re just taking it to the wrong place. You’re actually supposed to be looking for the womb of God.

Vince: Yeah. So let’s, let’s throw – let’s throw another piece into this. Is that – and we don’t want– Like you said, we don’t want to dig on parents, biological parents–

Scott: Not at all.

Vince: At all. But there are some things that we don’t get from them.

Scott: Sure.

Vince: Therefore, we never learn how to get those things.

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: And this can be a very hard behavior to unlearn because we don’t even know how to get comfort, how to receive comfort, how to give it to somebody else. We sometimes don’t know how to do those things. And evidence about that – as I’ve heard you say, Scott – can be seen in the desire to eat uncontrollably. The desire to control situations. The desire to drink alcohol. To self-medicate with prescription drugs.

Scott: Right.

Vince: Like all those things are, are the same kind of vices with the same desire for comfort–

Scott: Yeah.
Vince: Compassion, mercy. Am I close here?

Vince: Compassion, mercy. Am I close here?

Scott: Absolutely. They’re just false comforters, right? I mean–
Vince: Right.

Vince: Right.
Scott: That’s – and if you don’t like the word addiction out there, just ask yourself, “What are my false comforters? What do I turn to other than God to try to meet my needs?”

Scott: That’s – and if you don’t like the word addiction out there, just ask yourself, “What are my false comforters? What do I turn to other than God to try to meet my needs?”
Vince: Yeah, that’s really good.

Vince: Yeah, that’s really good.
Scott: Yeah.

Scott: Yeah.
Vince: That’s fantastic. So let’s, let’s turn this – again, one more time toward some

Vince: That’s fantastic. So let’s, let’s turn this – again, one more time toward some actionable for guys. What would you tell a guy, Scott – that you were counseling – who maybe haven’t ever received comfort like–

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: We read today in Deuteronomy 30. What would you tell him about beginning to lean into that, and experiencing comfort from something else other than sexuality, food, control, alcohol – whatever it is?

Scott: I like that you use the word “lean” because of we – I think as men, a lot of us are doers. And we like the challenge, want to get things done. And in one sense, we want the to-do list at the end of this podcast as well, right? And I think on some of these with El Shaddai and with אדוני who has a womb – there’s a being aspect. We don’t live in a world that stops very well. And that’s what Sabbath means, is to stop. And it’s – interestingly enough, it’s actually a verb. So stopping.

Vince: Right, right.

Scott: So there’s action in stopping. But I think it’s the action of being instead of doing. And so I would throw out an idea with both of these. If you’re going to go to El Shaddai, if you’re going to go to אדוני who has a womb, or both. I want to encourage you to stop and be with El Shaddai, be with אדוני who has a womb. And see what may come out of it.

Go into a question reflection time with אדוני who has a womb. And ask אדוני to womb you. And bury you again, so to speak. And ask אדוני to mother you. Ask אדוני to comfort you. Ask אדוניt to have mercy on you. Ask אדוני to have compassion on you. Ask אדוני to hold you. Like these are – you needed to be held as a child when you came out of the womb. You – that was normal, God designed you that way to need those things. And if we needed those things physically, we need them spiritually as well. So I just want to encourage all of us to turn to God and stop long enough for God to do that to us. Try to get an hour of solitude if you can.

Vince: Yeah.

Scott: And just be with God. Sit with Deuteronomy 30 verses 1 through 17, and just meditate on them.

Vince: I like your answer there because it isn’t just about stopping doing all the other things. It’s about replacing it with the right activity. And I think there are guys out there that kill themselves, Scott trying to beat these things for years and years and years.

Scott: Right.

Vince: And they’re trying to overcome these sins, but they’re just trying to stop things.

Scott: Right.

Vince: They’re not trying to start healthy behaviors. And God wants us to worship him, as we talked about last time. But then maybe we need to ask God to just comfort us.

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: Maybe we need to experience that–

Scott: Right.

Vince: And then understand it. And then to pass on a new legacy to the people around us.

Scott: Yeah.

Vince: Because, I got to tell you, if – if we would’ve understood comfort in a healthy way – maybe Scott, we wouldn’t have fallen into the patterns.

Scott: Right.

Vince: That everybody else falls into. So – Scott, thank you so much, again for being with us. It has been delightful and a great learning experience to hear from you. So we pray God will continue to bless your ministry. And if there’s guys out there that are – that are looking for maybe some help in overcoming some of the – the issues that they’re facing with their life, it doesn’t just have to be pornography, it can be anything.

I want to encourage you to reach out to Scott. I’ll make sure his contact information is available for you. But you’ve got to get to know this guy. He – he really is a great – has a great heart for God. And he – he wants to help and guide you through the process. So Scott, thank you again for being with us on the show.

Scott: Thanks so much Vince.

Vince: Well guys, that’s the show. Thanks so much for listening. If you want, Scott has got a retreat coming up in September, actually dates are September 7 through 10. He’s taking a small group of guys on a trip to the Boundary Waters, which is the Northern area of Minnesota up here. If you’re from here, you know the area well probably.

But he’s looking for a small group of guys that want to attend with him, that want to get away, worship God, study God’s Word, have conversations. And if you’re struggling with something like this, it’d be a great place to have an individual conversation with Scott, and maybe build some new relationships with some other guys. So take advantage of that if you want. It’s all found at empoweringranch.com. You can go there today and get connected to Scott.

And gentlemen, as well – as we close, I want to remind you that we have great men’s content on our website for your men’s bible studies. Excellent small group videos and participant handbooks that will empower the men of your church – and you, to equip and to build into men that you lead. Check it all out at beresolute.org. Or you just send me a direct email at [email protected].

And guys, as always – I hope you enjoy this podcast. But please know that the time that we spent together today is worthless, unless you choose to do something with it. So do something today, by getting off the bench and into the game. And I’ll see you right back here next time on another edition of the Resolute Podcast.