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Trust | The Commodity Of A Leader

Watching the news and media today, I wonder if we trust anyone anymore. Scandals, misbehavior, corruption, and fraud are prolific, and some even work overtime to destroy others trust and credibility by fabricating lies or embellishing untruths.

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Yeah well, hey guys, welcome to ManTalk. My name is Vince Miller. Good to be with you again. I'm your host. I got a couple of guys here,

Brendan and Chris that are joining with me today. How are you guys doing? Doing Great. Good. Really well. And doing a enjoying northern Minnesota a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. We happen to be a trial, a camp this weekend for a men's retreat. So I grabbed these guys. I pulled them kind of out of their normal context for a few moments. They didn't even know they're going to sit in on this. So this is going to be fun. Anyway, we're still in our series called 30 virtues builds, um, to build a man. And if you haven't gotten a copy of this book yet, you need to pick it up. And today we happen to be in the lesson on trust, right? Yeah. You've had moments probably where you didn't trust someone that was, that you were following probably some moment like that. Right? We've all had those moments and uh, you know, I think trust is something that's built over time, but you don't just instantly have trust what you say, you kind of have to build it, it, it's not there. You can extend it, right? But in some cases with other people, it's a commodity that can be built and lost, right? Gained in drops, lost in buckets. Right. And that's kind of the general idea of trust. And you guys can probably think of moments in your life where new probably trusted someone, right? And you've trusted them to the point that they have then built something up, some credibility with you and lost it over a period of time. Can you think of a moment like that in your own life?

Yeah, I can actually. I'm Kinda gonna spin it around on you a little bit. I'll, I'll, I was a person that people trusted but I pee. I lost trust. People lost trust in me. I was formerly addicted to alcohol and a lot of people put their trust in me for things and I lost a lot of people's trust and it's taken years to rebuild it like one right step at a time. And I want to take it from that angle here as we chat vince, because that, like you said, in drops, it's regained. It's a, it's a marathon, not a sprint when you lose people's trust. And I, uh, I've been working each day at that for four years. Trying to get that back. Yeah. Do you feel like you're making progress? I feel like I'm making great progress because of the Lord. I feel like he is the only way you can fight that battle to try to come back and gain people's trust. It's a, I pray daily and I feel like I've gotten to that point now four years after the fact. My mistakes. Yeah. But with God's help, all things are possible. Not to be cliche.

Yeah. Right. True. Yeah. There is some truth behind it. You know, I think we underestimate the trust in relationships sometimes or we take it for granted probably like you're saying a little bit in your own life, that there were some unhealthy patterns that you had built that were burning credibility with other people, but you probably didn't see it necessarily at the time. Would you say that's true? I'd say that's very true. Yeah. You believe your own lies. You believe, um, the things that you're telling yourself, you and now you're telling to others, you start to believe them. You start to live in this and before you know your life is consumed and you are living a complete lie, you're telling lies in your living one. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely, um, yeah, you definitely start believing your own lies. You'd be tell them long enough to yourself.

You're really telling yourself a lie and you don't realize that it's destroying relationships and, but I would say that trust to feels to me sometimes kind of like a financial commodity, right? Like it's something that you're exchanging with other people, but it's not real time. You don't know what's actually happening. Right. So like exchanging money for services, you're extreme exchanging trust for credibility once in awhile and I'm sure that you've had moments in your own life, right brandon, where you've had to learn how to build trust. Can you think of a moment in your own life when you had to find a way to build trust between you and somebody else or other parties? You know, I work as a nurse, so every time I walk into a patient's room

I pretty much get a look of like, Hey, who are you? Right? So I have to introduce myself, tell them what I'm going to be doing with them today, but then also being able to then go and ask them questions, what can I do to help you today? Um, and being able to build that trust because like you said, with a commodity, it totally is. And um, trust is not built like a microwave or something just happens like that. You have to earn it, so to speak. Um, it happens through action. It doesn't just happen because you want it to happen, right? You can't go in there and say, I know I'm going to have, I'm going to be trustworthy with this person. Know that you don't know what I just trust you. Yeah,

they don't. People don't just immediately trust you. And I actually liked that illustration because you have to walk in and start earning it and it's a very

intimate space, you know, uh, you're definitely having to do a lot of things that people don't feel comfortable with and you have to earn that trust before you can even start that. So

yeah. And it's funny, you walk into someone's room, stranger, a stranger that doesn't know you and you're, you're caring for their wives. Yes. Life or death sometimes. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. No, they're giving you the same look and questions. So it's not just the person lying in the bed, it's the entire family and you have to establish some trust. And then how do you build it though? Like you don't just build it by coming in and introducing yourself. That's a start. That's a start. What do you do next to then kind of continue to build trust with a patient

action? Yeah, you have to follow through with what you said you're gonna do.

There you go. Okay, so I was hoping you were just saying that because I really think that's the bottom line of trust, right? It's doing what you said you're to do and as soon as you don't do what you were said you're going to do though the new trust deteriorates. Right? Or kind of like you were talking about, I don't know how that plays out in your situation, but as it play out the same way.

Yeah, I mean it's, it's definitely like doing the next right thing. Like people always ask me what's God's will for my life and I always say doing the next right thing and I think it's the same thing in trust. I tried to do the next right thing with people I come in contact with now over and over and over and over, and if I mess up, Oh, I tried to get back to it and do it over and over and over again. Keep doing that next right thing. You can't just do one right thing and then being there. Good grace again. You know, it's um, people remember things and it takes time, right? But yeah, if that makes any sense at all, absolutely does. So the text today in the book

30 virtues that build a man is from Joshua won and it's an interesting moment. So what's happening is a Moses is handing the baton to Joshua and he tells them only be strong and courageous and be careful to do everything according to the law. Everything according to the law that I've commanded you to do. And I think it's really interesting because Moses has gone, he's been given this command and all he's got to do is do the thing that Moses told him to do and that's how he's going to continue to build trust with the people and build trust for their future. And it's just remarkable that he hangs everything on a simple statement of mission or value. Right? And this is value proposition that he has between him and God and him and Moses and him and the people. And it's kind of, if you watch the book of Joshua, it's bringing all these pieces together underneath the single mission or value statement of value.

And I thought it was really profound when I, when I read that, because it gave me a, it gave me such fodder for really understanding what does it look like to build trust with God, you know, the same way you build trust with people, right? Chris or in relationship with your patients and family is the same way. We build a trusting relationship with God. We hear his commandments, we respond to them by doing the things that we said we're going to do. And really the spiritual manifestation of trust is called faith, right? That's what it is. It's called trusting in something that we can not see. Right? And I just think it's profound. So, uh, you know, which factors in your relationship with other people do you think most directly contribute to building trust currently in your life? Beyond saying, doing the things that you say you're going to do, is there something else that you would call a major factor beyond doing what you say you're going to do that contributes to building trust with other people? Anything else?

Um, main factor. A big factor for me is letting my yes be yes and my no be no. I know that sounds very, very simple, but that's something I've, I've spoken to some of my mentors with in the past. I tried to keep it that simple. If I try to let people know that when I say yes to something I'm going to do it. And when I say no, I'm not, and I try to keep it that simple. If that's encompassing factor here, it's very simple principle for me, but if I say events, I'm going to come do an interview with you today. I better do it if I say I'm not well at least I've told you that. Yeah, I know. It's a simple thing, but that's a big factor for me. So I'll be at a kindergarten. Prince. Honesty, yeah. Yeah. And it's challenging. It's in. It's not, I'm not perfect at it, but I try, I try overall to do that a lot more than I used to.

Yeah. So like you said, you're calling that honesty or some people sometimes call it integrity too. So make promises you can keep. Right? So make a promise. You can keep. How much do you think caring for the other person contributes as well?

So I think that that is a huge factor. Okay. Um, I mean, think about our call to love is to love somebody. You're going to take interest in them and you're going to look out for their own benefit and if you're looking out for the benefit of someone and you're following through with that kind of integrity, um, those two combined are going to continually build the trust. Yeah.

So, okay, that's super good. And I'm glad you brought it up as a healthcare professional because I think there is the part where we make promises we can keep. So you walk into the room and you say, here's what I'm here to do. But then there's the other part in how you do it,

right? Like a robot. You could treat them like a machine. Yeah. Which does not rub people very well. No, and

you probably have encountered, this isn't true for all doctors, but some doctors are just machines, right? So they're very cerebral. Yes. Yeah. And they're meticulous and they're perfect, but then there's this other side of caring for the patient, right? We got to care so it isn't only and exclusively our integrity or honesty. It's how we do it. And I would add one more factor and you tell me if I'm right about this. It's the skill that we have when we do the thing that we said we're going to do. The funny thing is, is I think from my standpoint that both those factors contribute, but if you start adding skill to it increased the levels of skill, people's trust. Have you continued to go way up? For example, if you're a mechanic for instance, and you bring your car in and you say, I'm going to fix your car, okay, and you fix my car, but you don't care, then okay, yeah, you fixed my car.

Thank you for doing it, but you didn't care. But Yad care to it and this guy, you feel like you genuinely connect with them, so you're going to trust them a little bit more. But if you have profound skill, like you're really good at it, like not only do you do what you said you're to do, do what you say you're going to do and then you care about me, but you're better than everybody else and I'm going to trust you more. And every time with every one of those components, my trust for someone goes up. It's profound, right? So if you're a better nurse, right? People probably trust you more when you are so. Absolutely. So I think all these factors play a role in it. I think that's the challenge that, that Joshua was facing today. And so guys, I just want to encourage you today to get out there and build trust with people.

I mean seriously, like this is an opportunity for you to have a discussion just like the three of us did right here around real meaningful topics and for you to dig in with a mentor. So pick up this book, 30 virtues that build a man, have a discussion just like we had, and go build some trust with someone like if you feel like you're in a moment, right where you have depreciating or depleting trust, it is possible for you to rebuild it even if you feel like you're failing and your relationship with God and you feel like you've lost faith with them or lost trust. A, it can be rebuilt. It doesn't happen overnight, right? But with God, he redeems us immediately. That's the best part is he's better than a human relationship that may not trust us when we screw something up and we don't care and we don't do it. We said we're going to do. God will have us back every time. So guys, thanks for being with us and we look forward to having you again on a another level.

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